


Bad Feelings, Good Omen

by rakefire



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (Or is it?), (but not that way), Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Wizardry and Crafts, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Curses, Emotional Constipation, Eventual Loss of Virginity, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friends With Benefits, Guilt, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is the damoiseau(?) in distress, Past Character Death, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is the (reluctant but kinda thirsty) knight, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-10-16 23:16:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20610995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rakefire/pseuds/rakefire
Summary: A tall dark stranger shows up in front of Rey, telling her that she is destined to break the curse cast upon him.





	1. You Have to Help Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey just wants to bring the couch home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [audbooh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/audbooh/pseuds/audbooh/) for the preliminary beta-reading and [Erulisse17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erulisse17/pseuds/Erulisse17/) for helping me with the brainstorm.
> 
> Also, thanks to Mods [Celia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/pseuds/crossingwinter/) and [Viv](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vivien/pseuds/Vivien/) for the encouragement and much-needed feedback.

It was just a couch. 

Rey had walked past it a few times when she went to and from her flat. It sat in the dump like a sore thumb—the only thing there with color.

It was red, ashy red. Ugly red.

It wasn’t that the other junk wasn’t ugly; it was all just sandy colored garbage and one could ignore it as a part of Jakku’s aesthetics: bland, beige, dead. But this couch had been sitting there for a few weeks now, and no one had any interest in taking it home.

Maybe except for Rey.

She took a closer look a couple of times before her first attempt to bring it home. It had holes in it, but that wasn’t a surprise. Some of the springs had come out and the upholstery was ripped like a big clawed animal had its fun with it. It was perfect. She could fix it. That was kind of her thing, actually. Finding broken things and fixing them.

The first time she tried to take the couch home, rain fell down in Jakku. 

Probably the first time in… months? Years? She couldn’t remember. The weather was an all-time high that a heatwave would only feel like a mild disturbance. People died all the time because of heat in Jakku. But that day, for some reason, rain fell hard. As if the sky couldn’t take the offense anymore, crying and shouting like a woman scorned. Powerful and angry. And the couch was left wet, and so was Rey. 

The pick-up truck she had borrowed from her boss broke down, too, and she had to pay for the repair and more. Unkar, her boss, was an ass. Rey could only come back home, drenched in rain and mud, as pissed as the weather for losing more money than she was supposed to.

The second time she tried to take the couch home, it had been occupied. A horde of cats were sitting and aggressively meowing all over the seat. 

When she came closer, they all stared at her. _ What do you want, peasant? _they seemed to say. It wasn’t hard to guess how unwelcoming they were to her.

There was one cat—the blackest and the biggest one with long fur and bushy tail, and a scar running down his face—who took interest in her. 

He trotted to her and paused only a few feet away, his black eyes boring into her with judgment and refusing to cooperate with her attempt to be nice. The other cats then were looking at the two in silence. There was no more meowing, not even a little movement. Rey thought the view looked somewhat eerie. 

She decided that the black cat must’ve been the ring leader. And so, she waited for them to go away, and one by one the cats left, leaving only the big fat cat. After a while, he left, too.

But another rainstorm came—the first time rain had fallen that often in years. She caught a cold for the rest of that week.

The third time, Rey decided she wasn’t going to fail.

This time she got help, too. Finn, her flatmate and best friend, was home. The exam season was over so they had enough time to plan and prepare.

“Third time’s a charm,” Rey grinned, placing her hands on her hips as she kicked the couch with her beat-up sneakers. 

The weather was extremely good today. The sun shone brightly, the temperature was not as excruciating—as much as an early summer went, and the dump was empty. And most of all, unlike her previous encounters, nothing got in the way between her and the Couch—capital _ C__. _

“I honestly don’t know why you’re so obsessed with this couch,” Finn sighed, his face glistening with so much sweat that it almost looked that he shed a tear under his sunglasses. “Maz has offered you her old one, and I think it looks better than this.”

“This one is bigger.” She wiped her forehead with the sleeve of her t-shirt. “And it’s red.”

“With springs that could stab you in the butt,” he quipped. “And judging from your previous attempt to bring it home, don’t you think it only gives you bad luck? I don’t mean to be superstitious or anything, but just saying.”

“I can fix it,” she snorted. “You know I can do it. It’s a couch, Finn. Not a haunted object.”

Finn shook his head but couldn’t help smiling. “How did you get Unkar to loan you his truck again? I thought he wouldn’t let you do anything with it after the last one.”

“I didn’t. This one’s Teedo’s. He owed me one,” she said nonchalantly, bending herself forward, reaching the underside of the couch. “Unkar fired me this morning.”

Finn pushed his sunglasses to his forehead. “What?”

Rey paused. “Yeah,” she shrugged. “Come on, we have to hurry. It’s probably going to rain again.”

“Wait, wait,” he waved his hand. “How—why did he fire you? I thought he valued you in his pawnshop?”

“I was the best, yeah.” She gestured Finn to lift the couch with her. “But Unkar doesn’t value anyone.”

“What happened?” He took off his sunglasses and hooked it on his t-shirt’s collar before bending down to reach the couch. “Was it because of the truck?”

“No. Ready?” she took a deep breath. “One, two, three!”

They carried the couch until it reached the pick-up truck, and then Rey climbed into the truck bed. Finn dragged the front side of the couch upward to the wooden plank they had put as a slide.

“I had to take a couple of days off for finals—as one does,” she huffed, trying to get part of the couch inside. “Apparently that’s unacceptable.”

“Freaking Plutt,” Finn grunted. “You’re a student, and it was just a part-time job! What did he expect?”

“Unconditional devotion?” she laughed. “You know him. He only cares about money.”

“So, what are you going to do now?” he asked.

“I still have a job at Maz’s,” she replied. “And I’m going to look for another one. It’s summer break, I think I can work in a fair, or whatever, really.”

Finn bit his inner cheek. Rey noticed his expression changed. She always knew when he started to worry. She waved her hand, “It’s fine, Finn.”

“You know you can tell Maz about this and she would double your shift or something, right?” he said.

“I know, but Maz doesn’t do really well these days. I don’t want to burden her.”

“Rey,” he frowned. “If you want help—”

“I’m asking you right now, aren’t I?” she grinned, playfully kicking the couch. “Help me move this baby to our flat, and all is well.”

He snorted, lifting the underside of the couch again. “You do realize that we live on the fourth floor? That’s a pretty damn big request you just asked.”

“Oh, shut up!” she laughed. “After I fix it, you’re probably going to lounge around on it more than I would. Now push it.”

“Why… uhh, didn’t you... text me this morning?” he asked while pushing the couch. “Dr. Tekka is still out of town, so the clinic is closed. I could’ve taken you to Maz’s for an ice cream today.”

“Oh, about that,” she dragged the couch inside. “I broke my phone before work today. That’s also one of the reasons why I got fired. Unkar couldn’t reach me, so he got even madder, and then, you know.”

“What?” Finn dropped it like it was too hot, dust flying everywhere. “You broke—Rey! Seriously?”

“Yes, Finnegan,” she sighed. “Dead serious. And that’s why we need to get this back to our place before I lose my mind.”

* * *

“Stupid rain,” Finn muttered as they finally reached the third floor. He shook his shoulders as though that act alone could make his back less wet.

The rain, as expected, fell again. It was almost amusing that it always came down every time Rey was trying to bring the couch home with her. The only difference was it came a bit late now; the couch was almost all the way in when the rain soaked up the dusty sidewalk—and Finn’s back.

He sneezed so loud that it echoed, and the couch was dropped to the stairs. 

“Whoa, careful!” Rey chided. She pushed it to the wall while paying attention to the wobbly baluster next to her. The couch almost took the whole space, and she was thankful that no one was trying to walk past them. The challenge would be to make sure that she and Finn wouldn’t knock down a fence and made the staircase worse.

Their flat was not the best in the neighborhood. The elevator hadn't worked for some time now and their landlord was a bit stingy. The staircase shouldn’t even have passed any building inspection, and yet it still stood. The banister was just a string of sad fence waiting for someone to knock it off the steps, and maybe fall with it.

At least Rey and Finn could afford it because it was dirt cheap. But it was definitely not a perfect condition for a couch and two people.

Finn lifted the couch again, and then paused. “Are you okay?” Rey asked, craning her neck to him. He looked up to her and shrugged.

“The step just chipped right when I put my foot on it,” he cried and then paused. “Hey, did you hear what Old Krennic has been telling everyone? This place is haunted. He said he saw a dark figure on his floor.”

Rey scoffed. “He’s a very old person, Finn. It could’ve been his own shadow.”

“That’s what I said—ugh,” he took a couple more steps forward. “But—he said it was a very tall, looming figure. That was his first encounter. And then things are getting weird.”

“Weird how?” Rey blinked.

“He said that it moved very fast. Because, he said, it disappeared as quickly as it appeared.”

Rey laughed. “Are you sure it wasn’t his imagination? Wait. Let’s take another five.”

They slowly dropped the couch. She leaned her back against the wall while Finn was sitting on one of the steps.

“He said it wasn’t,” he continued. “He saw it a few more times, okay. He said he even saw it here.”

“Here?” she raised an eyebrow, still amused.

“Here here,” Finn gulped. “These very stairs. I heard there’s a gossip that it might be a ghost—”

Rey burst out laughing. “No shit?”

“You’ll laugh, but if you heard how he told me that day, you wouldn’t.”

“Of course I wouldn’t laugh!” she chuckled, noticing another spring jutting out of her couch. “It’s just rude to laugh at people. Well, I think this couch needs more work than I thought.”

“I told you this is garbage,” Finn said. “I mean the couch, not Krennic. God. So, what I’m saying, when he told me the story, he was _ shaking.” _

“Again, are you sure—”

“Stop calling him old.” He rolled his eyes, and Rey snorted. “He said that he took a glimpse of it again, and he said that it’s got very pale skin.”

Rey widened her eyes, although her hands still fiddled with the couch’s springs. “So, it’s a person, then? A new tenant?”

Finn shook his head. “No new tenant. I already checked.”

“Hm. You’re so invested in this.” She stood upright and then lifted the couch. “Let’s go.”

“If you knew the history of this hell—” Finn lowered his voice. “—this… hell of a place—”

“Why are you whispering?” Rey asked, also lowering her voice, although she couldn’t mask the mischievous smile on her face.

“Because he could hear us!” he hissed. “The ghost—shadow!”

“The shadow’s a _ he _ now? And he’s also a _ ghost?” _ she playfully gasped.

“Look. This place has a history of people dying here. Sometimes it was because of OD or suicide. And if I remember correctly, I think there was a man who committed suicide on this staircase, Rey. By hanging. On the baluster.” Finn sighed, lifting the couch. They took another two steps before he spoke again. “I heard that’s the reason why this building has so much bad luck. It’s cursed and _ haunted.” _

Rey shook her head. “Seriously, Finn. Ghosts aren’t real.”

“That’s what I thought before—”

“Before your toothbrush moved mysteriously in that cabin when you were twelve. I get it,” she chuckled.

They took another step. “What I’m saying,” Finn said. “It makes sense.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

He rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help smiling. Another step. “You’ll change your mind if you experience it firsthand like me and Old Krennic.”

“Well, I’m excited,” she said. They took another step. “I wonder if he was a hottie.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Another step.

“There’s a whole genre in fiction for people who are interested in stuff like that. So, no. Compared to your story, it’s not as ridiculous.”

“Whatever—ugh,” he huffed, taking two steps at once. “Just be careful if you see a dark shadow who randomly pops up in the building. Or a very tall man with black hair and very pale…”

Rey almost yanked the couch by herself when she noticed Finn suddenly didn’t move. His eyes were directed over her head, his mouth fell open. 

“Finn?” she frowned at him. “What’s up?”

“Pale…,” he mumbled. And before Rey could ask anything, he dropped the couch with a loud bump—all weight fell on her hands.

“Finn!” she yelped, putting down the couch carefully on the stairs. “Hey, that’s dangerous. You know how—”

He raised his hand, forefinger pointing at Rey’s side. 

“Rey,” he gulped. It looked like blood was just drained out of his face. “P-pale…”

Rey was about to look over her shoulder when she felt something looming behind her. From the corner of her eyes, she could see a large hand hover on her shoulder. And then a voice that was so low it made her shudder.

“You.”

She jerked her head so fast that she almost fumbled forward.

There she saw a tall dark figure with thick raven hair and skin so pale that at first glance it didn’t look alive. She warded off his large hand from her shoulder and jumped on him. And then everything happened so fast.

She screamed—and so did Finn—and she elbowed the figure so hard that he was caught off guard, his foot slipped on the step, and like a domino effect, his body slammed against the baluster. His hair fell down his face, long arms holding on the fence for purchase, and then—

The baluster cracked. Rey saw his frightened eyes staring back at her, and then—

“Oh shit!” she gasped. 

Like in slow motion, she saw his white hand desperately trying to grasp for the couch, and, for reasons she didn’t know, she kicked it and his eyes shot at her, so he kicked his face and he yelled and his other hand slipped from the remnant of the banister. 

It was the first time Rey saw someone fall so beautifully right in front of her. It was like the movie. Graceful, and full of anger.

And then there was a loud thud. And silence.

Finn was the first to move. He carefully peeked down, his hands on the couch. Rey could only covered her mouth with her hands, heartbeat racing like never before.

“Did I—” she heaved. “Did I just kill him?”

“You’re assuming that he’s not already dead in the first place,” Finn’s voice turned a pitch higher.

“I just killed a man,” Rey dropped to the stairs, ignoring him. “Oh, shit. I just—I killed—that’s manslaughter, right? That was… that was self-defense. Fuck, I haven’t even graduated and now I could go away for years and—”

She blinked, trying to collect herself together. She got to her feet. “We have to see if he’s alright.”

“What, no!” Finn folded his arms. “I’m not going there. I’m so not going to check on that… that creature!”

“It’s a person!” Rey yelled. “And I might’ve just committed manslaughter!”

“You don’t know that!” he yelled back.

“Then we have to make sure before anyone sees us!”

With that, Finn balled his fists and agreed. He helped her carefully get past the couch, and then they ran downstairs like it was an Olympic race.

They found him lying face down on the platform between the stairs of the first and second floors. Parts of baluster were scattered around him. His face was protected by his hand which splayed underneath his head, and Rey grimaced at how painful it must’ve been. One of his legs was bent and the other was stretched long. His all-black get-up was dusted by the chipping of white paint and dust. Outside, the lightning zapped an appearance before thunder roared through the sky, rattling the big window on the wall. 

Rey leaped from the step to the space between his long legs to his side. She kneeled down near his other hand before carefully touching it.

“Careful!” Finn hissed from the stairs.

“Oh, no,” she said. “He’s so cold, he’s dead—oh, wait.” Her thumb caressed his pulse point, and she found that her hand looked comically smaller than his. And something—_ something _ that she couldn’t explain traveled through her veins as they touched.

She put his hand down, still feeling the buzz on her fingertips. “He’s… alive?”

_ And more. _

“Check his breathing, too!” Finn ordered, now sitting with his knees pushed close together to his chest like a small child.

Rey slowly leaned down, carefully turned his face toward her ever so slightly. She put her face so close to his that she could see his plush lips and the beauty marks scattered on half of his face. He had a long nose, she noticed. Long eyelashes. Thick, long inky black hair which suit his pale complexion.

She saw the hair on his face a little as he huffed out a slow, steady breath like he was asleep.

“You’re alive,” she whispered, half laughing. She felt like she almost cried in relief.

She felt him move then, a small fidget of his fingers. She leaned back, observing him. And his eyes shot open, dark pupils scanning the surrounding until they landed on her. She was going to get up when suddenly his hand grabbing her and she yelped.

“You,” he snarled, blood dripping on his hair-covered cheek. “You have to help me—”

_ Thwack! _

Rey felt the sting on her fist in an instant. It’s been a while since she punched anyone. But she didn’t have the time to process her own impressive reflex. His heavy body tumbled and fell on her in a second, all dead weight. And then she fell with him to the floor.

She stared at the ceiling before looking at Finn who was standing with a broken baluster in his hand. He looked as though he was about to hit the once-again unconscious stranger, but she had already beat him to it. His face was marred with shock as she thought hers would too. 

Rey put her hands on the stranger’s massive shoulders, trying to move him but to no avail. She took a deep breath, a faint scent of bergamot and sandalwood with a hint of petrichor invading her nose.

She then looked up, noticing the ashy red of her couch peeking from the stairs above.

“Finn,” she said. “Remember when you told me that the couch only brings bad luck to me, but I insisted that a third’s time a charm?”

“Yeah?” he dropped the baluster with a bump and then wiped his hands together. 

“Well,” she sighed, the stranger’s hair moved under her breath. “It’s not a charm.” 

If anything, it was actually a hat trick. And Rey was just a shit goalie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-yo!  
The rest of the chapters are all written, but I probably won't be able to update it until probably next week because I'm out of town and out of good wi-fi.  
Thank you for reading!  
I've been so nervous about this, I can't wait to hear what you think about it. ^^;  
See you soon!
> 
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/rakefired/).  
[My tumblr](https://rakefired.tumblr.com/).


	2. You're My Only Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stranger wakes up and makes an offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fair warning: this fic may or may not be all over the place. 😚 
> 
> Amazing moodboard by rffa mod Viv.

Rey once joked that when the gods were giving out luck and wealth to newborn babies, she wasn’t present. 

She wasn’t present when the gods gave the other babies good parents either. That was why hers were nothing but a couple of drunks and addicts who had left her in front of an orphanage like this was a sob story that would get Dickens off at night. 

It wasn’t that bad once you got used to it, though. Considering.

What happened today was just one of those things. One day where nothing went the way she wanted. So, she broke her phone that morning because some asshole driver decided to nearly crash into her for a little scare after she ignored his catcall. So, she arrived late to Plutt’s Pawns and Junkyard to face a very angry boss with a lot of baggage that had nothing to do with her who told her that she had wronged him and his business just because she wanted to maintain her scholarship. So, she came back to the couch—and thought that maybe that was the only thing she could control. Especially since Finn was available for help, and she had a functioning pickup truck. They could deal with the rain. They could deal with the cats.

But then, of course, she almost killed a strange man who was now in her living room, still nowhere near conscious with a purple bruise on one of his eyes and a long cut on his cheek. Courtesy of her. 

Rey was sitting on the floor, observing said man, as Finn handed her a mug of hot tea.

“Do you think we should take him to the clinic?”

He sat down next to her, taking a sip of his own tea. “I think he’ll call the cops on us.”

“He can still do that here if he wakes—I mean, _ when _ he wakes up,” she replied. She groaned, massaging her nape in frustration. “I’m so screwed.”

They laid him down on the red couch after putting duvets—which Maz had given them last year—on top of it to prevent the springs from stabbing him. His body was too long for the settee, his legs dangling on the head and his thick raven locks pressed on the other end. Finn had cleaned the stranger’s face and skillfully applied a bandage to the wound. Rey didn’t dare to get anywhere near him after they got him inside, fearing she would only damage him more. 

She wasn’t the most delicate person—and judging from how this afternoon went, she wasn’t the most sensible either. ‘Punch first and ask later’ was something she had been accustomed to growing up. But she’d never thought she would actually throw a large adult man off the stairs and managed to knock him out.

So, all she could do was sitting on the floor and staring at him, her breathing in sync with his. By now, she thought, she could memorize his features. 

She ran her thumb on her fingertips, recalling the sensation of a tiny buzz when she first touched his hand. She still had no idea what that was, and she hoped she would know soon when he awoke.

She also hoped he wouldn’t call the cops on her. That one particular thing might be the most important part. 

“I can’t believe you elbowed him,” Finn muttered. Rey shut her eyes and groaned.

“—and then you kicked him—twice. And then you punched him.” He clicked his tongue and then looked at her. “From the perspective of an audience, that was... entertaining.”

Rey put down her mug and then covered her face with her hands, legs kicking on the floor. “Don’t remind me of that!”

“Seriously,” he said. “This guy is like, what? Six-foot-three? And judging at his body, he’s probably almost 200 pounds? And you’re a little—I mean, you’re not short, but—”

The stranger emitted a low grunt, and then he moved. Rey straightened her back like a cat in danger, waiting for him to do more than placing his hand on his face. He touched the bandage, and then suddenly sat up. Finn grabbed Rey’s arm and she grabbed his like they were watching a horror movie.

They waited. One second. And then two. Time felt like stretching too long as they were eyeing him as though they were trapped in a den with a hungry lion. And when the stranger finally jerked his head to them, they let out a little distressed squeak.

“Where am I?” he asked. His voice was low and heavy—liquid, the kind that made Rey feels like her heart dropped and evoked a tingle behind her neck. She found she kinda liked it before snapping out of it. 

The stranger then slowly removed his legs from the couch. He shut his eyes briefly, flinching as he stretched his long neck and broad shoulders. When no one answered him, his eyes roamed over the room. His gaze then dropped on Rey and her breathing hitched.

“You…” he seethed.

“Stand back!” Finn shouted. “We have really hot beverages here. If you dare to touch her, I’m going—”

“I’m not going to hurt her,” the stranger replied, his eyes still fixed on Rey in a way that made the hairs on her arms stand up. He paused and pursed his lips like he was thinking about something—and Rey swallowed.

But then he spoke again.

“Besides,” he said. “I was attacked. If anything, I should be scared of you two.”

“Excuse me?” Finn scoffed, still unable to mask his panic.

Rey let go of his arms. “It was self-defense,” she squeaked. “You appeared out of nowhere and scared the crap out of me and my friend. There wasn’t much I could do. If you want to press charges—”

“You elbowed me and then kicked me in the face,” the stranger cut her off. “Twice.”

“Yes, but—”

“And then punched me—” 

“—if you just hear my—”

“—but that doesn’t matter.”

“—explana—_ what?” _

The stranger suddenly got to his feet, positively towering over her. She and Finn followed suit, tilting their heads up to face him. He ran his hand on his hair, and it moved so gracefully, showing his long face. Rey swallowed.

“I’m not going to press any charges,” he said, still staring at her. There was a beat of silence, and then he said, “You’ll be useless to me if you go away.”

“Excuse me?” Finn screeched. “Hey, Mister… Whoever the fuck you are—”

“Ren,” the stranger said. “My name is Kylo Ren.”

Finn was still fuming, but Rey put her hand on his shoulder and he went quiet. She took a step closer to Kylo Ren as though her legs made all the decisions. His eyes widened as Rey stood only a few inches from him.

“Sands,” she said, her voice almost down to whisper—and she didn’t know why. “Rey.”

“Sands Rey?” Ren raised his eyebrow, the first time he looked somewhat amused.

“I mean,” she shook her head. “My name is Rey… Sands. Just Rey.”

Up close, she realized, his eyes were deep brown—soft and expressive, so in contrast with his brooding expression. His long black coat was a bit wet on the shoulders, she noticed. But her mind quickly drifted to how wide he was, and no wonder she was terrified when he first showed up. 

Rey flicked her gaze to his face again, facing those inspecting eyes once again—and now that he was awake, she could see how oddly attractive he was, how prominent his long nose and plush lips were and how they were supposed to look strange. Except they... didn’t.

She knew how inconsequential her observation was, given what was done to him—what _she_ had done to him. But it was hard to not notice. 

_ Kylo Ren_—the name appeared inside her mind, and she could imagine how nice it’d feel rolling on her tongue. An unusual name. An unusual face. An unusual man.

Suddenly, from the corner of her eye, Rey saw his hand raised like it did on the staircase. His fingers moved like they caressed the air, so close to her face that it felt like the air stopped and went vacuum in an instant. 

But then, he paused.

He dropped his hand, suddenly letting out a tiny smile like he was relieved about something. His eyes crinkled and his brows relaxed and _her _heart skipped a beat.

“What—” she took a step back. “What did you just do to me?”

He casually balled his hand into a fist before spreading them again, staring at it. “Nothing.”

She frowned, in an instant his words about finding her 'useless' came back to her and she shot him a dirty look. “You _definitely_ did.”

Whatever this man thought of her, Rey could feel it that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Rey took a step back and balled her fists, entertaining the idea of punching him once more if he dared to say anything condescending to her. Or—or if he dared to do anything like he just did to her. Whatever that was.

Instead, he chuckled, and the sound of it went straight to her chest.

“Nothing,” he shook his head, his gaze soft on her. “I promise. In fact, I can’t do anything to you, Rey Sands. That pretty much proves it.”

“Proves what?”

“That I’m right.”

Her frown went even deeper. “About what?”

“About you,” he replied calmly. “My cure.”

Rey’s eyes widened, words failing her. “I—what—I… uh?”

“Now,” Ren took a step closer to her. "Allow me to talk—”

Rey staggered back as Kylo Ren’s head and parts of his shoulders and chest were covered in liquid. He closed his eyes and his eyebrows twitched in annoyance.

“This guy is definitely a slimebucket of lies!” Finn chided, two empty mugs in his hands. “No one talks like that. ‘My cure’? My freaking butt! I’m going to call the police.”

Ren wiped his face and then wrung his hand. “You just... threw _ t_ea at me.”

“Don’t worry,” Finn sneered. “It’s not that hot. Just see it like a warm bath. So, now get out—”

“No,” Ren said.

“What?”

“I said no,” he repeated. “I have unfinished business here. I would like you to give us some privacy, Finnegan Storm. I think what I’m about to discuss with Rey here requires no audience.”

“Like hell you don’t!” Finn yelled. “Look here _ Kylo, _ if that’s really your name, I’m not going to let creeps like you get anywhere near my best—wait, did you just say my name? My _ full _ name?”

Rey frowned at the realization and took a few steps back further. “How did you know him? Who are you?”

Ren sighed like he was mildly irritated to have to explain himself. “That’s one of the things I wanted to discuss with you, Rey.” He took a step forward to her, and Finn immediately shielded his arm in front of her. 

“That is,” Ren paused, his eyes glanced down condescendingly to Finn’s arm before flicking back to her, “if you allow me.”

“Say it then,” Rey tilted her head up. “Now. If you have to tell me something, you have to tell Finn as well.”

He scratched his right temple. “That’s not possible,” he said nonchalantly. “It’s going to freak him out.”

“And you think we’re not freaking out already?” Finn squawked, still holding his stance even though Rey noticed he started to waver.

Kylo Ren was about to raise his hands—probably to gesture that he wasn’t a threat—when he suddenly paused mid-air and grimaced. He only managed to lift his right arm, as his left arm could only move a bit. Rey and Finn stared at each other.

“What—what’s wrong?” Finn asked, lowering his guard.

“Are you okay?” Rey almost touched his arm but retreated. “Does it hurt?”

Ren nodded. “I think I dislocated a joint when I fell,” he said, and Rey grimaced. “It’s fine.”

He then looked at Finn, “You’re a med student, yes? The one who did this?” He pointed at his face. “Can you do something with my arm?”

Rey turned her head to Finn and saw his mouth falling open. “How did you…”

Kylo Ren then directed his gaze on Rey again, although he was talking to Finn—or maybe to both of them. 

“I know stuff because I hear things—people’s minds,” he said. “And that’s… exactly why I need your help.”

Rey blinked, confusion whirling inside her mind. “What?”

“You’re my only hope, Rey,” he chuckled like this sounded ridiculous even for him. “Quite literally.”


	3. A Business Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The stranger makes an offer. Rey decides to give it a listen. (Finn, obviously, doesn't.)

“You were saying,” Rey clasped her hands together. She sat at the other end of the couch—maintaining her distance from Kylo Ren as his wound was being mended. “It’s a… _ curse?” _

He was sitting on the couch with Finn sitting on a tall stool in front of him. Ren’s long legs rested casually on the coffee table, like he had no care for it. His coat was hung on the rack, and his shirt was unbuttoned to his stomach, exposing his arm and shoulder to be treated. 

He then flexed his left arm, flinching where Finn was smearing a painkiller on his bare shoulder. “Yes,” he glanced at his wound. “I know it’s hard to believe.”

“No shit,” she replied, turning away when she caught herself staring at the slight view of his sculpted chest. She then realized that Finn had been narrowing his eyes at her from his stool. She shrugged. “And, uh, my role in this is—”

“My cure—careful,” he warned Finn. 

“Dude, I can’t do much about this,” Finn protested while roughly strapping the sling. “With a wound like this, you’re supposed to be at the hospital! This has gotta hurt more than you let on. Your temperature is so cold, I need to get you something after this.”

Ren rolled his eyes, and then turned to Rey. She shifted further awkwardly, pushing both of her legs to her chest like they could provide a barrier from him. He raised his brow but did not comment on her still alert reaction to him.

“I was cursed with the ability to hear people’s thoughts,” he said. “It happened when I was ten, and my family couldn’t do anything about it. And since then, I’ve been looking for a cure.” He paused for a beat. And then, “Until you.”

Rey swallowed. “Why me?” she grabbed her knees. “And how did you find me? I don’t—” She stared at the ceiling, trying to form her words. “First of all,” she said. “I didn’t know curses exist—don't even think about it. I mean, I’m not into… occult and stuff like that. So, for me personally, what you just said—”

“—is a load of bullcrap,” Finn cut her off. “And between me and Rey, I’m the one who usually believes in stuff like that.”

“I am aware of that,” Ren said calmly. “You still think I’m not a human. Even though you have _ secretly _ checked on my pulse. More than once.”

Finn stood up, the stool creaked against the floor. “Look, I don’t appreciate you _ invading _ my mind as you please—if that is _ really _ your cursed ‘ability’, but yeah, I don’t think you are.” He looked at Rey, “His temperature is crazy low. And we brought him to our house, Rey. We practically _ invited _ him!”

“Finn, he’s not a vampire,” Rey said, resting her chin on her knees.

“I’m really not,” Ren shook his head innocently. He showed his wrist, almost too calmly. “I have a _ pulse.” _

Finn squinted his eyes at both of them. “Rey,” he folded his arms. “A minute. Please?”

Rey and Ren shared a look, and then she got to her feet. Finn immediately grabbed her arm and took her outside. He kept dragging her until they arrived at the end of the hallway, then he slipped them into a corner.

She blinked at him. “Why are we here? This seems to be a little excessive.”

“He can _ read _ my mind,” he whispered aggressively. “I don’t want to risk it.”

“Okay,” she shrugged. “What are we talking about?”

Finn gestured his hands in front of his chest, like he was trying to chop the air. “We can’t let him stay. Whatever he is, he is not welcome here. He must be up to no good.”

“Finn,” Rey sighed. “I think we need to hear him first. I mean, I don’t buy the whole ‘curse’ thing—or the mind-reading thing—”

“He knows my full name! He knows I’m a med student!” he insisted. “He must’ve—he read my mind!”

“It could’ve been a really good deduction?” she shrugged. “Anyway, you said it yourself that it’s a load of bullcrap. I can’t tell how he knows the details about you, but for other things, my guess is cold-reading.”

Finn scoffed. “Well, then, he might be a con-artist—it doesn’t matter. He’s not… good, okay. I can’t trust him and his snooty attitude and his—his body temperature is so effing cold! I thought at first it was hypothermia, but he doesn’t show any other symptoms. Trust me, I’ve never met anyone with that temperature unless they’re dead.”

Rey pursed her lips, thinking. “I still think we need to hear him first.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

He staggered back, eyeing her suspiciously. Rey rolled her eyes, “I’m just… curious. I mean, we don’t know who he is, and he said he knows me somehow? Also—” She gestured her hand to the length of her shoulder and arm. “He’s wounded—and it’s my fault, even though it was self-defense. And he’s still slightly naked now, sitting in our living room. Why don’t we just make sure that he’s fine? I mean, just to be safe?”

“Bet,” Finn replied flatly.

“What’s that face for?” she looked away, not entirely sure why she felt her cheeks started to burn.

He sighed. “Rey,” he put his hands on her shoulders. “You’re like a little sister to me, you know that, right? And I can’t let this strange man appear, and demand you to_ cure _him of a _ curse! _ That is just too fishy! And just because you’re cozying up with him doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing to do.”

Rey scoffed in disbelief. “I am _ not _ cozying up with him!” Finn waved his hand, and Rey folded her arms. “Like I said, I was curious. It may even be funny if he’s really a con artist. We can—” she tilted her chin up. “—we can kick him out once he’s done. Whatever.”

“Okay, fine,” Finn nodded. “We—you and I, not just you—are going to listen to his explanation. And after that—”

“Rey!”

She felt her heart jolt as Ren’s voice traveled to her ears. She craned her neck and saw him poking his head from her flat, his dark waves swaying down to the side.

Rey cleared her throat. “Yeah?”

“I, uh, I’m starving, so I took the liberty to order from the menu on your fridge,” he shouted. “Is Vietnamese okay? I’m paying.”

She gave him a thumbs up and he nodded before retreating back to her flat and closing the door. She looked at Finn again who once again gave her a look. “What? We never reject free food.”

Finn rolled his eyes.

* * *

Kylo Ren said he grew up in Chandrila—literally the other side of the world, the arguably _ wealthier _ side of the world. And since being cursed at the age of ten, he had been looking for the cure. At first, all he got was a series of dreams that he couldn’t explain. It was an oracle he met ten years ago who told him about the existence of an antithesis—a person who was strong with the Force and who was born at the right time for the prophecy to work.

“What’s the Force?” Finn suddenly said, breaking Rey and Kylo Ren’s prolonged eye contact. “You said, ‘strong with the Force’—what’s that?”

Ren—Kylo, he preferred to be called—took a sip of his drink. “It’s an innate power of the universe. It’s not something you were born with, but more like something you’re compatible with—that’s where ‘strong with the Force’ comes from. I am a Force user. So is Rey.”

“No, I’m not,” she furrowed her brow. “This is the first time I’ve heard anything like this. And if the universe has anything to do with my life, whatever that is, I don’t think it’s given me any power to be anything at all.” 

She stabbed her chopsticks on a spring roll and opened her mouth to take a big bite of it. Kylo looked at the mess on her mouth with concern and then put down his mug. Rey scoffed at what seemed to be his snobbery when he himself had finished three servings of pho and dumplings.

“It’s dormant,” he cleared his throat. “I can help you with that.”

They heard the sound of slurping, and turned to see Finn raising his finger to the air. “And what about the antithesis?”

Kylo sighed heavily, “Like I said. I was cursed. I need a cure. And the cure is not just some random person—”

“And that person is me?” Rey asked. He paused for a while, looking somewhat annoyed that his words kept getting cut off, before he nodded. “Huh,” she responded. “Does it have to be me?”

“Yes.”

She tilted her head as she watched him, weighing him as if he were goods that she wanted to know the value of. He seemed to be aware of her prying eyes but wasn’t bothered by it—there were no tells in his face that could show her whether he was messing with her or not.

Rey had been trying to make sense of what he was saying, but the more she listened, the more confused she got. And it didn’t help that she had never been a fan of new age-y stuff. She’d seen a lot of con-artists use it to sell something. Even someone like her former boss, Unkar Plutt, had been lathering pawned goods with snake oil. This object was cursed, that one used to be worn by a warrior queen who ate the heart of a stallion and couldn’t be burned, that other one gave you unlimited luck that could put any Leprechauns to shame.

Same bullshit, different people.

But still, this man looked interesting enough to listen to. Or to look at—although Rey still didn’t want to dwell on the reason why.

She narrowed her eyes. “Another question.”

“Shoot.”

“This oracle,” she gulped. “Did they say it was me specifically? How did they know me?”

“They didn’t say exactly your name or where you live,” he replied. “They gave me hints, like the stars’ alignment, geographical possibilities, time window, all that stuff. And like I said, I also had… dreams, premonitions—but that’s an entirely different thing.” 

Rey’s eyebrows shot to her forehead. Dreams. Premonitions. _ That was just too crazy, _ she thought. People having weird dreams wasn’t a strong explanation for stuff like this, since she believed that weird dreams were just normal. She had a lot of them growing up—everyone did. What made his special? You could watch too many scary movies to get them, or have had a shit childhood like her. Whatever.

He seemed to sense her doubt, so he leaned forward to her. “The point is,” he said. “I did my research, and it brought me to you. But you moved from your childhood home—”

Rey looked away, and he paused for a while.

“You were _ moved _ from your childhood home, and since then you were hard to track,” he continued. “I… uh, took a look at your records in the system. But after you aged out, there’s not much I could find. But then, apparently, you’re a bright art student with a scholarship. After that, it wasn’t hard to track it down.”

“That doesn’t sound creepy at all,” Finn remarked. “So, you were saying you’ve been _ stalking _ her for ten whole years—when Rey was a nine-year-old child? You, a grown man? How old are you?”

“Twenty-nine,” Kylo said matter-of-factly. “No, I haven’t been stalking Rey for ten years. I looked for her—I didn’t even know her name or anything other than what the oracle had told me. Even in my dreams, Rey wasn’t a clear...” he trailed off. 

He looked at her. “The first time I knew your name was around six months ago, and it’s been almost a month since I found you—technically. I needed some time to make sure because I don’t want to just show up and…” He clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Well, judging from what happened today, that doesn’t really matter. I mean, yes, I’ve taken notice of your habits, but that’s not because I have other agenda. I just needed to see you and made sure that it’s… you. So—,” He cleared his throat again, “—I’ve been doing some pre-introduction—a familiarization here, you might say, to find a way to start a conversation.”

“Ah!” Finn slapped his own forehead. “You’re the one who’s been terrorizing Old Krennic then! You scared the shit out of him, dude!”

“Who?” Kylo raised his eyebrow.

"Other than this—" Finn moved his chopstick toward Kylo's face, "—mind-reading thing, can you really disappear so quickly like what Krennic said? Can you, like, do it now?"

_"What?" _Kylo frowned.

"Can you, like, do it now? I want to see."

"No, what are you—"

Rey cleared her throat. “Another question,” she said. “By that logic, does it mean that my whole existence is to be your cure? About being born at the right time, and being an ‘antithesis.’”

She didn’t mean to sound vulnerable when asking that. But for some reason, a tiny bit part of her ached with that possibility. She still couldn’t believe it, but if it was true…

Kylo was quiet then. He stared at her and his feature turned soft. Rey avoided his gaze and played with her food.

“No,” he said. “You are your own person, Rey. I just happened to be in need of your help.”

She bit her inner cheek. They didn’t say anything for quite a while, there was only the sound of Finn slurping and munching his food. She could feel Kylo still staring at her, waiting for her response.

He searched her face, and after a while, he said, “You’re still doubtful about this. About me.”

“You said you can’t read my mind.”

“No, I can’t. I can read everyone else’s, but not yours.” His eyes were fixated on her and she felt a shiver down her spine. “Just you.”

Rey blinked, wavering a bit that she almost knocked down a glass of water. 

“I don’t know, man,” she suddenly heard Finn saying. “This still sounds, you know.” He made a circular gesture near his ear. “You don’t expect Rey to believe everything you say, right?”

She opened her mouth, about to say something, but she took a sip of her drink instead. “Uh-uh,” she muttered, feeling her cheeks grew hot under Kylo’s stare.

But the man just casually leaned back, his free arm resting on the back of the couch. He turned to look at Finn, giving him a somewhat bored look. “Is that something you keep telling yourself, Finnegan Storm?” he played with his fingernails. “Wait, no. Don’t tell me. I can hear that. Literally.”

Finn paused, his eyes narrowed. “Cold reading,” he accused. “That’s what you just did. I figured it out.”

“No, I did not. And no, you did not.”

“You totally did.”

“I totally did not,” Kylo crossed his legs. “You know I didn’t. Right now you’re just saying that because you want to believe it.”

Finn straightened his back, and so did Kylo. Rey recognized that as a sign that they were squaring up with each other. Their eyes were locked in a deathly stare. Rey rolled her eyes.

“Are you guys done?” she quipped. “If you keep doing a telepathic battle, I’m going to bed instead. I have a morning shift.”

In an instant, both men’s heads snapped to her. “No, you don’t.”

“Excuse me?” she scoffed in disbelief.

Finn clicked his mouth to Kylo, and then turned to Rey again. “Your Friday morning used to be at Plutt’s, but—”

“He fired you,” Kylo cut him off. “Quite unfairly, if you ask me. Anyway, because of that, you’re supposed to be free.”

Finn gasped, his finger pointed at Kylo. “This is what I’m talking about. You’ve been stalking Rey, haven’t you?”

“No. I know everything from _ you,” _ he told Finn, his voice thick with boredom. “How many times I should tell you, I can—wait, why are you thinking about corgis all of sudden?” He paused, and then scoffed. “Do you think you can ward me off by playing elevator music in your head? Nice try.”

“You, motherf—”

“Finn,” Rey sighed. “You’ve never cussed your whole life, don’t try it now.”

“He hasn’t?” Kylo snorted. “Well, Rey. If you could hear—”

“You, shut up.” Rey folded her arms as Kylo suddenly shut his mouth. She stood and looked down on them. “Honestly, what are you two, anyway? Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?”

Kylo and Finn exchanged glances for a moment. And then Kylo slowly raised a hand. “Yes?” Rey snapped.

“That is rather incorrect,” he meekly said.

Finn nodded. “Yeah, we’re nothing alike. And we’re not getting along, so Tweedle—”

“My bad,” she sneered. “You’re not Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. You’re now Bother One and Bother Two. I don’t care. I really have a morning shift because I told Maz, who’s now out of town, by the way, that I’d cover for Jess—something that apparently you _ two _ didn’t know.”

“Sorry,” they said in unison.

Rey exhaled sharply. “Kylo Ren,” she started, “let’s talk about your proposal to me.”

He nodded.

“You said you were cursed,” she continued. “And I’m the only one who can cure you?”

“Correct.”

“You tracked me down, and then you decided to show up now. Why?”

He stared at his own feet. “I think this is the right time.”

“Explain.”

“I can’t,” he worried his inner cheek. “I just know that I had to—” He stared at her again, “I need your help. That’s all you need to know.”

She narrowed her eyes. “You’re saying that I’m not bound to do this. I can say no, was that what you said?”

“It’s true,” he replied. “But—but if you could, I really hope you would.” He tilted his head, as though he just heard something. But then his focus was back on her. “You can see it as a…” he trailed off as he flicked his glance to Finn like he just picked up something. “...business opportunity.”

Finn scoffed, but then he scooted closer to Rey. Kylo’s eyes narrowed as Finn immediately positioned himself behind her. She turned to look at Finn and then Kylo like they had a conversation that she didn’t know happening. 

“What’s wrong?” she whispered to Finn. He shook his head.

When Rey looked at Kylo again, she found him already staring at her. He leaned forward, “You’re getting something from this deal, if you’re wondering.”

She tilted her head up. “Like what?”

“Anything you want,” he slumped his back to the couch, his free hand on his knee. “You can tell me what you want and I’ll get it done. We may see this as a part-time job, if you want. Especially since you need it—even though you still have a job at the diner.” Rey was about to say something, but he gestured his hand to Finn. “Your friend here is an open book. Don’t blame him.”

Finn was in the middle of taking a swig of his drink that he choked on it. Rey stood up and knocked his back. “Slow down, Finn.”

“What the heck?” Finn coughed, he aimed his mug at Kylo and the water spat around the floor. “You can’t just do that!”

“I can’t control it,” Kylo shrugged noncommittally. “Hence, I need my cure."

Finn glared at him while still coughing, "That's a lot of bull—"

"It's annoying," Kylo rolled his eyes, pretending to be apologetic. "I know.”

Finn got to his feet and ran into the bathroom. There was a sound of water immediately, followed by another cough. That left only Rey and Kylo on their own for the first time.

Rey cleared her throat and walked toward the couch where Kylo had been sitting. He raised his face to her.

“This still sounds so suspicious to me,” she folded her arms. “Just so you know, I can recognize a con-artist when I see one.”

He tilted his head. “But… do I look like one?”

Rey squinted her eyes. “If you don’t look like one, your arrogance does.”

He gestured his free hand to the air, and then stood up. “Listen, Rey,” he started crowding her and she staggered back a little bit. His voice turned an octave lower. “I know this might sound crazy—”

“It is,” she shrugged, ignoring the low tone of his voice that gave her a tingling feeling around her neck. “And you don’t even tell me the reason why I have to do this.”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Why?” she challenged him. “If this is really a business opportunity like you said, shouldn’t we stand on the same ground? What if you’re involved in a shady business that could bite me in the ass one day? What if you just run when you get what you want, leaving me desolate while you prance around the world with your…” She waved her hand in front of his face, “...perfect… mane gloriously swept in the wind.”

He pulled back, his eyebrow quirked. “I’m not a horse. Why would I prance—”

“It’s a metaphor!” she bit out her words, masking the shakiness she felt in her core—_what is wrong with her? _

“Well,” Kylo pursed his lips, “I’m not going to let you take the fall if anything like that happens.” He paused. “I think.”

“You _ think?” _

“That’s all I can say,” he shrugged. “But I can assure you that you will be compensated immensely. That one I can promise you. You might even—” He roamed over the ceiling before grimacing. “—pick a better place to live once we’re done. Or even during the time we work together.”

“Did you just insult my living space?”

“I fell from the stairs and possibly got my shoulder broken.”

Rey opened her mouth and then closed it again. “Fair enough.”

“So?” Kylo tilted his head, waiting for her response. Rey couldn’t help but stare back at his dark eyes and a ghost of an almost smirk on his face. She bit her lower lip. She wasn’t done yet.

“Can you _ really _ hear people’s thoughts, though?” she raised her eyebrows.

His shoulders slugged forward. “Seriously? You still want proof? Even after what happened to your friend?”

“Finn,” she said, her voice turning into a whisper as she heard a loud gargle and spitting noise from the bathroom. “Like you said, is an open book. I could’ve done what you did myself without some supernatural ability. And honestly, your explanation about weird dreams that led you to me sounds like bollocks. I’ve had bad dreams my whole life, that doesn’t make me a, what, ‘force user’.”

Kylo blinked. His face lit up in an instant, his annoyed expression turned into amusement like he was a kid on his birthday. Rey gulped and looked away. 

“Huh,” he said. “What do you want me to do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sloooow burn.


	4. So How Do We Do This?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is being put on a test while Rey is having some fun.

“Seriously?”

Kylo pushed his sunglasses up to his nose. Rey didn’t have to see his whole face to know that he was not pleased. His expression turned into a scowl right when he had stepped into Maz’s Diner.

He looked a bit different this time, although still donning the all-black outfits—at least he was chromatically consistent. His hair was pushed back and made into a low half-bun, which Rey wondered how he had done that since one of his arms was still in a sling. There was also a set of wireless earphones in his ears. He took them off once he was seated, but she could hear a glimpse of music from his iPod. 

Basically, Morning Kylo Ren didn’t look menacing at all. He was still tall and stern-looking, but now that she could see him better without the dust from the banister, he looked like other guys—albeit dressing better than most.

Rey felt underdressed compared to him. She was in her usual server apron uniform which she had noticed Kylo had stared up and down under his sunglasses earlier. 

“I’m busy,” she gave him a fake smile while gesturing a seat for him to sit on. “I’m not going to give you my free time for this.”

“I told you, I will compensate—” 

“It’s a trial,” she took the menu from the other side of the desk and put it right in front of him. “Let’s see if you can put money where your mouth is. Are you really going to wear sunglasses indoors?”

He took off the sunglasses and hooked them on the collar of his shirt. “You know, Miss Sands,” he said. “It’s an odd thing to do to give your prospective employer a trial. Usually, it’s the other way around.”

Rey leaned on the edge of the table, her fake smile turned wider. She aggressively jabbed the notebook with her pen, “You said I could walk away if I want to.”

He returned her smile, which didn’t reach his eyes at all. “Okay, I get it. My bad.”

“Good,” she pulled back. “So, what do you want to order?”

Kylo blinked. “I have to order?”

“You’re not going to just ask for water and complimentary chips, are you?” she said. “It’s a diner. And I have a job to do. If you don’t order, one of my coworkers is going to ask what’s wrong and then I have to explain—wait, do people generally know what you can do or should we keep it a secret? Like, it’s a Clark Kent thing?”

He took the menu and casually scanned it. “I don’t like attention to myself, so I don’t give out personal information to people.” 

Rey scoffed, noticing the irony of his not wanting attention. Even now he was dressed in all black—and even his new arm sling was black. The only thing missing was his coat. He definitely didn’t look like he was from Jakku, and that alone was enough to make people stare at him. Or mug him, judging from how expensive his outfit and watch looked like.

“Do you have any recommendations?” he asked, still flipping the laminated menu. “I’ve had breakfast at the hotel.”

“We serve breakfast food all day, so if you want a second breakfast, you can.” She positioned herself next to him and pointed her pen to the menu. “Our waffles are crazy good. If it’s your birthday, we have a special menu as well.” 

“I’ll have that, then.”

“Which one? The waffles? The birthday special?”

“Yes.”

“Is it your birthday?” she gave an incredulous look.

“No,” he replied. “But it’s an anniversary of something.”

“Of what?”

“Everyday must be a commemoration of something,” he shrugged, his lips curved downward like what he said was a piece of common knowledge. “Or you may see it as a celebration that I managed to find you after years of hard work.”

Rey blinked, feeling heat suddenly crawling on her cheeks. “Well,” she cleared her throat. “If you say so.” She wrote down the order. “But just so you know, asking for a birthday special also means you ask us to wear stupid hats and sing for you. Usually, the other customers will chime in, too. Are you sure you want _that _attention?”

His eye twitched. “Can you make the waffles a birthday special but without the birthday?”

“You want a supersize, is that what you mean?”

“Yes,” he nodded.

“You said you’ve had breakfast.”

“I have,” he nodded again. “But like you said: second breakfast.”

Rey rolled her eyes, scrapping the ‘birthday special’ from her notes. “Okay. Right after this, we can start.”

“Yeah, about that,” he leaned back to the seat. “What exactly do you want me to do?”

She looked around as a couple of new patrons walked inside. Maz’s Diner was not always crowded, but it had got enough people to sustain the business. And currently, the seats were almost all occupied because it was still a brunch time. 

Rey had thought about it before, right after Kylo went back to the hotel yesterday. Finn told her it was crazy and he offered to be with her when meeting Kylo. But the clinic called this morning, asking for his assistance since Doctor Tekka had returned.

She looked at Kylo again, finding him staring with anticipation. 

“We’re playing a guessing game.”

* * *

The rule of the game was simple: Kylo needed to find out what the patrons were ordering as she took the orders.

She put him on a seat far away from the other patrons so he couldn’t listen to them—not physically. She only gave him a pencil and a piece of paper, so they could match what she wrote with he wrote before she delivered the menu to the cook. Rey believed in her skill to take orders quickly, so she could still have the time to walk over to Kylo’s table and check on his note.

It wasn’t something that she could do freely, but Maz Kanata, the owner, happened to be out of town to attend her sister’s third wedding. It wasn’t like Rey could just slack off when her boss wasn’t around. But because of that, she had a little freedom to play a game.

Kylo didn’t show as much enthusiasm as she did about it, but he didn’t have a choice. At least, Rey made that sure. When she was busy attending other customers, she found him glowering at whomever she was talking to—probably because he was focusing on hearing other people’s thoughts. She made a mental note to tell him about it, that he could scare off an innocent patron if he kept that way. But so far, other than an older lady who came with her grandchildren asking her if the 'Hot Broody Bunch' was her boyfriend and laughing about it, no one had said anything.

Rey then managed to get orders from three tables in a row before coming to see him. And right before she matched him what the orders were, he was flaunting his notes to her direction, a smirk painted on his face like he knew he’d win.

And the thing was… he did.

“Big Jerry likes his sunny side up crispy but lately his wife has been reminding him about his high cholesterol, so he asked for a white egg instead,” Kylo said while resting his chin on his hand. “And right now, he is starting to regret it. He’s going to call you in a minute to ask for his original order.”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Show off.”

“Hm,” he put down his notes. “It’s not as fun as you think. I have to listen to Old Walter’s _ fascinating _ musings about politics. He’s not as kind as you thought he was. A bit misogynist, too. He just checked your ass again. What a prick.”

“Is that why you keep scowling at them?” she asked. “Because my patrons upset you?”

“Not all,” he leaned back. “The lady with the grandchildren reads a lot of bodice-rippers. It’s not my type of entertainment, but it’s harmless and much better than listening to old men repeating the same old shit from television. It’s adorable. Can we stop playing around and go straight to the business?”

He smirked. “Work with me? Please?”

Rey rolled her eyes and then turned her heels away from him, hiding a little smile that started to emerge on her face. “We’re not done yet.”

“Oh, I hope so,” she heard him.

By the end of her shift, Rey had accumulated orders from fifteen tables in total and Kylo had guessed each one of them correctly. Once, he showed her a different order and she almost celebrated her victory until the patron called her again and changed their order.

“I don’t get it,” Rey said as she plopped to the seat in front of Kylo. She had changed back to her own clothes, and Kylo had retreated back to his wireless earphones. He took them off when he saw her approaching, though.

“What don’t you get?” he asked, pushing the plate sans waffle to the side.

“This,” she gestured her head to his notes. “Your ability. I think you could make a really good poker player.”

He seemed to blanch a little bit at her words, but then his facial expression turned back to his usual hard-nosed one. Rey found it more approachable this time. Maybe their little game really helped to make him less brooding—or maybe she started to get used to it after a few hours of interaction.

He made a little swipe on his sling like he was cleaning dust off of it. “Isn’t that nice?” he murmured.

“It isn’t?” she asked. “Can you imagine—listen, if I had your ability, I’d drain every clown in Jakku of their money and then I’d fuck off. I’d travel the world and eat everything I want. Instead of working hard for scholarships all year, I could’ve—I don’t know, I could’ve made one myself. Can you imagine how many children—”

“I take it that you believe my ability is real, then?” he cut her off.

Rey cocked her eyebrows, watching him as he worked his jaw and his eyes were downcast to the table. She took it that it was a sensitive topic for him—maybe it was about his ability, or about the gambling. Either way, he looked tenser than he did a few moments ago.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” she said instead. 

He nodded, his free hand playing his earphones like dice. “Well, yeah,” he muttered. “One of a kind.”

They were quiet for a moment. The crowded noise in the diner had died down, only the clanking sound from the kitchen that could be heard once in a while.

“Kylo,” she started. He raised his head at her.

“You said you can’t hear me,” she pulled the long sleeves on her t-shirt to her palms. “And that’s the evidence that I’m your cure.”

He stared at her, not saying anything like he was waiting for her to finish her speech.

“I just—” she paused. “I don’t know how to react to that, honestly. It’s not something that happens to me a lot, you know, being the… anything.” She blinked, and immediately added, “I mean, it’s not like I think I’m the most important thing in your life or anything like that. But just… you know, being—” 

She bit her lower lip, trying to choose her words correctly. She had thought about it a few times before, even the night of their first meeting. Of course, at first, the idea of mind-reading had never occurred to her to be real. But other than that, it wasn’t just about the otherworldly aspect; there was also something about her, someone who seemed to not matter the slightest, was ‘meant to be’ his cure.

“I know it’s hard to believe,” he finally said. “But I’ve never been so sure in my life.” He leaned forward, his dark eyes boring straight into hers. “You may think you’re nothing,” he said. “But not to me.”

Rey blinked at him. If it was another circumstance, she was sure she’d be offended by his words. But now, all she could do was… laugh about it.

He was taken aback by her reaction. His ears turned pink as he looked at the surroundings. 

“You know what,” she wiped her teary eyes. “For someone who claims to not be able to ‘hear’ me, you talk a lot about knowing what I think.”

Kylo opened his mouth and then closed it again. “I… Sorry. I’ve never been _ un_able to hear people’s thoughts. You’re the first.”

Rey whistled. “Ooh, I’m honored.”

“It’s not a joke,” he rolled his eyes. “I really need your help.”

“What am I supposed to do, then?” she asked. “Do I have to give you my blood or?”

“Ah, the old vampire joke again. Ha-ha.”

“I might’ve not said that if you don’t dress like one,” she winked. “Aren’t you hot?”

“I’m perfectly comfortable,” he replied. And then a moment later, his voice lowered, “I burn easily.”

Rey snorted, and he glared at her. She grinned anyway, and he swallowed. She felt like she had enough teasing him, so she went straight to the business instead.

“What am I getting then?” she asked. “You said anything I want.”

His eyes went wide. “So,” his throat bobbed. “You agree to help me?”

She shrugged. “I do need a summer job.”

Kylo waved his hand, “Good enough. You don’t have to understand anything, I’ll teach you on the way.”

“Teach?” she laughed again. “‘Mmkay.”

He was about to say something as a retort, but giving her a smile instead. “At least you have fun.”

“I hope so,” she replied. “But it depends on what I’m gonna get.”

“Okay, what do you want? You tell me, and I’ll provide.”

She pursed her lips, weighing the possibilities in her head. “I need a new phone.”

“Done,” he nodded. “What else do you want?”

She bit her inner cheek, her mind immediately directed into the red couch she had moved to her flat yesterday. This morning Finn almost got his butt stabbed by the springs jutting from it under the duvet.

“The couch,” she gestured her finger to the air. “The one where you sat on yesterday? It needs some fixing and embellishment. I want to do it myself, but I need some things to do it. Some which I don’t have at my disposal.”

“I can buy you a new one if you want.”

“No,” she shook her head. “I want _ that _ one. I went through so much trouble to get it to my flat, so I’m not going to throw it away. Besides, it’s my new project.”

He smirked. “Okay. What else?”

She remembered the tiny jolt she felt when she first touched him, and then exhaled sharply. She could ask him later. He said he’d teach her—whatever that meant. She almost beat herself up inwardly because she had been somewhat excited about it. She just didn’t want to think about it that much. Not now.

“Any perks are welcome,” she shrugged. 

Kylo licked his lower lip, a smile still hadn’t gone from his face. He extended his hand. “Deal?”

She accepted it, giving him the hardest shake while maintaining eye contact.

“Deal,” she replied. “So, how do we do this?”


	5. Like a Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The work is put into motion. Somewhat.

There were a couple of things that Kylo gave Rey the first night after she had agreed to work with him.

The first thing was the cellphone. Understandable. She had asked for it—although didn’t exactly specify which type of phone she wanted. But Kylo bought her the latest model, saying that he just let the store clerk pick it up for him.

“I put my number there just in case,” he said, sitting on the couch which still had Maz’s duvet on it. He came by to Rey’s flat after purchasing the new phone—and thankfully, Finn was already sleeping. 

“I’ve put yours on my phone as well. You can put your schedule on the calendar which I have linked to my email,” he continued. “That way, we can work around your shifts at the diner.”

“Okay,” Rey nodded, still entranced by the features.

“Although,” she heard him again. “If I’m being honest, I think your shifts should work around our meetings. And I think it’d be better if you work full time with me.”

“Well, I think the fuck not,” she raised her head at him. 

He shrugged. “I’m just saying.”

Rey rolled her eyes and then stared at her new phone again. “And then what?” she asked. “You said there’s another thing you want to give me.”

“Ah,” he cleared his throat. “About that.”

He fished something off of his pants pocket, and then his fist hovered on Rey’s phone so she had to look at him again. He gave her a little smirk as a silver-chained necklace dangled from his hand. 

“What’s this?” she scooped the charm and stared at it for a while. “Selenite?”

“Good eyes,” he said, dropping the chain into her hand. 

Rey pursed her lips. “Unkar sells stuff like this,” she said. “Along with the other crystals and then he told everyone they could cure disease or break hexes or—”

“Curses.”

She looked at him again, her frown deepened. “You’re telling me crystals really break curses?”

“Not all crystals,” he replied. “And that’s not just a selenite. It’s a kyber selenite.”

Rey staggered back. She balled her fist, hiding the necklace from plain sight. “What the—this is expensive! I’ve never seen—this is rare!”

Kylo shrugged. He then dove his hand inside his collar and pulled a necklace out of it. It looked almost similar to what he had given Rey, but his kyber selenite was red and in the shape of a jagged cross. “I have one with me as well.”

“That looked like it could break anytime.”

“Hey, I made this myself,” he protested, shoving the necklace back inside his shirt. “It’s not perfect, but it works like a—” He cleared his throat, “—charm.”

“Does it?” Rey asked, her mouth twitched, almost forming a smile. She tilted her chin up. “So, we’re like… wearing what, matching jewelry now? Are you going to give me a friendship bracelet any time soon? Should we also do some sleepover with matching pajamas and tell each other spooky stories—wait, that sounds right up your alley.”

He raised a finger, “Well. That would be too soon. We have to do the trust fall before that, and I have to know if you like braiding my hair during the sleepover so I can braid you a friendship braid.”

“Really?” she blinked.

Kylo rolled his eyes.

“Right,” she scoffed. “And then what?”

“If you have questions, you ask,” he said. “But I’d like it to be a need-to-know-basis, unless it’s about specific things related to the curse.”

“So, I can’t ask you about your dating life—” she paused and then cleared her throat, cursing that her mind somehow went there. “Good. Because I don’t need to know. The last thing I want to hear from you is you moaning about your… girl… boy... girl—friend—I don’t care.”

“I don’t have—no.” He straightened his back as Rey noticed his ears started to turn pink, “I mean, yes. Sure. That’s about it.”

She narrowed her eyes, “But you know a lot about me, though. From the files?”

“It’s necessary,” he reasoned and Rey cringed. “Hey, that’s how I found you. Also, what I’ve got is just basic info, you know. The other things are more… cryptic.”

“Like, seeing me in your dream?”

“Dreams—plural,” he said. He then quirked his brow. “I never asked you this but, have you seen me before? In your dreams?”

“Nope,” she shook his head. “I would’ve remembered since you’re so...”

_ Big, memorable, _ that was what she was going to say.

“Huh,” he said, putting his hand on his lips. “Strange.”

They were quiet for a while. Rey fidgeted under his stare, averting her gaze elsewhere to look for another stray spring on the deadbeat couch. And voila, she found one and tugged it for a bit. She really had to fix it soon.

“So,” she broke the silence. “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow’s good,” he replied. “I can start observing you.”

“Pardon?” she jerked her head to him. "Observing how?"

Kylo shrugged. "Just... observing, you know, like watching you do your thing." He waved his hand in dismissal, "Don't worry about it. You don't have to do anything. And I think most of the time, you may pretend I'm not there—unless when we really have to speak with each other. But the point is I just need to know you better. The Force isn't exactly one size fits all, so my understanding of you needs to be specific—"

“Hang on," she raised her hand. "What happens to the need-to-know basis? Isn’t that supposed to be a two-way street?”

“Well. I do need to get to know anything related to my cure,” he said. “And _ you _ are my cure.”

She opened her mouth and then closed it again. When she didn’t say anything, he gave him a crooked smile.

Rey wondered if she had made a good decision this time as well.

Probably not.

* * *

During the first week, Kylo was really just hanging around in Rey’s flat, sometimes bringing books to read and discuss. Sometimes, when he didn’t bring anything to read, he just watched Rey fixing the couch under the massive canopy on the rooftop—he even helped her move it around when necessary. His arm was still in a sling, but she noticed he didn’t have any trouble lifting things with one functional arm. Finn told her he was trying to show off. Rey just shrugged it off.

But Finn didn’t show as much hostility toward Kylo now that he paid Rey handsomely. And it helped that Kylo always brought them dinner every time he came over. He had insisted on Rey that he couldn't be bought by fancy dinner and he still thought Kylo was a prick. But at least now they didn't have to spend money on dinner, and that, too, was good.

"I still don't and can't like him," Finn said behind the bathroom door.

"You don't have to," Rey said as she dried her newly-shampooed hair with a towel. "I don't even know if I have formed any opinions on him. But he pays me good."

And their conversation was put on halt right there. She let Finn express his annoyance directly to Kylo and refused to take part in their petty squabbles. “What’s your job, anyway?” Rey heard Finn ask Kylo one evening after he brought high-end sushi set for dinner. Kylo shrugged.

The second week, Kylo taught her how to meditate. And Rey had _ never _ meditated before.

He said it was necessary to know oneself, especially as a Force user—it was the ‘first lesson,’ he said. They did their routine after her shift at Maz’s, or sometimes during breaks between her fixing the couch. Rey didn’t have much patience to sit and do nothing, so she often ended up opening her eyes in the middle of the session to Kylo sighing and shaking his head.

“Maybe I’m just not good at it,” she said one afternoon. They were sitting on the couch under the shadiest part of the rooftop with ice cream bars in their hands. The restoration had been going on pretty well, and now they could at least sit on it without worrying about stray springs poking their rears. “Maybe, there’s nothing to be ‘awakened,’ like you said? Maybe I’m not a ‘Force user’.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, releasing the chocolate ice cream from his mouth and then wiping his chin with the back of his hand. “That’s not possible.”

“How do you know?” Rey took a glance at his face and smiled at the chocolate stain on top of his lips. She pointed that out for him, and he wiped it. He almost looked like a boy when he was caught unawares like this, nothing scary or intimidating left from him now that they had been spending time together. She decided that it was almost like he was an iceberg; the more time Rey had spent with him had helped erode him a little bit. “Is it the oracle again?”

“Uh-uh,” he pursed his lips. “But not really. I just know. It’s a fact, you are a Force user.” He paused, and then pointed his ice cream to the couch. “Don’t you find it odd that you always manage to fix anything so easily?”

Rey shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

“Have you failed before?”

“No,” she replied. “But I’m just good at it.”

He snorted. “I don’t think you’re _ just _ good at it.”

Rey scrunched up his nose. “So, do you think that’s all the Force? And it’s not the fact that I’m, you know, skillful and talented?”

“Force manifests in many things,” he said before licking his ice cream. “You’re crazy good at something.”

She opened her mouth and then closed it again, blushing. “That—that’s a bit lame, then, if that’s the only way to tell that I am Force ‘sensitive’!”

“Ah!” his eyes widened. “You’re using the right term. You’re learning.”

“Stop teasing me,” she grumbled.

Kylo laughed. 

"Then, what are you good at?" Rey asked.

He shrugged. "I have this curse."

"I like the thing I'm good at, you don't like your curse."

He looked at the sky for a moment before turning his gaze back to her, grinning. "Guess?"

Rey narrowed her eyes.

"Gambling," she said. He snorted.

"Because I can hear everyone?" he feigned a gasp. And then his voice got lower, "Well, that's not the first time I heard someone said that."

He seemed to notice Rey was still shooting a curious look at him, so he leaned back to the couch. "Whatever, it doesn't matter," he clicked his tongue in dismissal and then take a bite of his ice cream. "What you need to focus on right now is how to access your power. Fixing this couch is a good exercise. It helps you focus better, especially, since that seems to be the thing you've been struggling with, no?"

“To me, it just doesn’t make any sense,” Rey licked her strawberry ice cream. “All we’ve done is just sitting and doing… nothing. How are you so sure? Maybe I’m really just a regular girl who happens to be ‘crazy good’ at fixing things.”

He stared at her, looking amused. “You have a lot of questions.”

“I can’t help it.”

“You can’t, but that’s good,” he said. “That means you’re interested.”

“Confused is more like it,” she quipped. “Baffled. Perplexed. Puzzled. Befuddled.”

He snickered. “For someone who studies art, you seem to not believe in magic. I mean, broadly speaking.”

“On the contrary,” she waved her ice cream before taking a bite of it. “Because I’m an art student, I have learned that there’s nothing magical with making art. It’s all about skills and routine. The ideas and the impact could be magical, though. But the process itself is a pain in the ass.” She paused, “That’s why I do installations instead of paintings, I guess? I like moving around and fixing stuff.”

“Like this couch?”

“This very couch.”

“Well, then I am honored to have sat upon this piece of art,” he gave her a wolfish grin. Rey turned her face away, feeling the heat starting to radiate on her cheeks. 

If there was one thing she’d learned during their work relations, it was that he seemed to enjoy poking fun on her. She wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing, but there were times where she found herself flustered because of it. She wondered if he also took the enjoyment out of it. Finn told her that she shouldn’t take him seriously. Kylo, Finn later said, just knew how to use his mouth on her, which made Rey choke on her cereal.

The ice cream bar started to melt on her hand, so she licked it off and, in turn, touched the top of her hair with it. She immediately cleaned that up, still aware that Kylo had been staring in amusement. 

He had seen her eating numerous times by now. At first, her eating manners—or lack thereof—seemed to put him off a couple of times. But after a while, it didn’t faze him anymore. Sometimes Rey even thought that he looked delighted when she made a mess—which didn’t help at all with her.

She was not used to being stared at. And Kylo, she realized, stared a lot.

He had probably been judging her. After all, ‘getting to know’ her was mostly him silently staring at her, watching her every move. Sometimes she felt like a monkey in a zoo, if she was being honest. And there was no way judgment didn’t come across his mind. The worst part was, sometimes Rey kinda understood if he did judge her in some way.

They looked like the moon and the earth. Lush rainforest and barren land. People always looked at them funny when they walked side by side.

Unlike her, Kylo Ren always looked put together. His coat—which he wore during the summer in Jakku like he was begging for a heat stroke—always looked pressed, his simple black on black clothing looked expensive, his nails were cleaned and trimmed properly (Finn often joked about them when Kylo pissed him off), and his hair—good gods, his hair—always looked so luscious and perfectly coiffed that Rey often wanted to _ touch _ it again. She only had done it once or twice when he passed out during their first meeting, but she hadn’t had any other reason to do it. She wasn’t a creep, mind you. Sometimes, she was thankful that he couldn’t hear her thoughts.

Compare that put-togetherness to Rey. First of all, if she had any choice, she’d like to just wear a tank top with no bra and short shorts. But the weather outside tended to be scorching so she always wore cargo pants and a jacket. Or often, she had to cover her arms with detachable sleeves, and then sometimes she wore a visor as well. And her hair was either tied into her usual three buns or just one big awful bun. Basically, she dressed like she just rolled over the bed and grabbed anything on the floor—which wasn’t exactly _ not _ true—sometimes. Well, often. But maybe she just dressed up like a poor person did.

She was a mess, that was for sure. But to be sure, in Jakku, she’d rather be seen as an ugly duckling than someone who got money. Anyone could take advantage of you and rob you blind.

But the thing was, even now when she often found herself thinking about cleaning up for a bit, she still didn’t know where to start. She’d thought of getting a nice conditioner, though, because of what she’d seen it did to Kylo’s hair—

“I can assure you you’re anything but a regular girl,” she heard him saying. Rey blinked, realizing her mind had drifted someplace else and he had been saying something. 

She turned to look at him and found him already finished his ice cream bar, tossing the stick to the bin with perfect accuracy. He wiped his long fingers together and she couldn’t help staring at them before forcing to raise her gaze to his face again.

“Did you just tell me that I’m not like other girls, Kylo?” she narrowed her eyes. “Ew.”

He crossed his legs, resting his palm on top of his knee. “I was just repeating what you said and pointing out the error,” he said, his lips almost curling upward. “You’re no regular girl. Even if the oracle didn’t tell me anything about you, I think I would know that you’re… you.”

“How?”

“I can’t read your mind,” he said. “I already told you this. I can hear everyone else’s, but yours.”

“And that’s proof because?”

“That means you’re special,” he said matter-of-factly.

He said it so honestly that Rey’s cheeks blushed—and she wondered if he could see it. She looked away and violently bit the rest of her ice cream bar and then wiped her mouth with the sleeves of her clothes. 

“Sure,” she snorted. “Next you’re telling me that Kylo Ren is not your real name. It’s actually Edward Cullen, and you’ve been in high school for hundreds of years. You probably also like playing baseball in the middle of a meadow as a hobby with a very loud emo soundtrack or Baroque orchestra like those tunes you always listen—and you do it with your family, who also possesses supernatural abilities and has an affinity for animals’ blood.”

“Is this a vampire talk again?” he smirked, his head tilting to the side and his inky black fringe falling to his face. “You’re assuming I’m trying to date you and then trap you in a thinly-veiled religious teen marriage?”

She bit a smile and kept going. “Are you going to tell me that I smell so good, too? Like, you can’t breathe when I’m around? Did I take your breath away, Kylo Ren?”

He paused. Rey’s breathing caught when suddenly he leaned closer, his eyes fixated on her and his nose nearly touching her face. When he took a deep breath, Rey almost broke the ice cream stick in two.

“Hm,” he muttered softly. “You smell like…”

“W-what?”

“...sun. And sweat,” he pulled back, feigning disgust. “Ew.”

She scoffed in disbelief. “Get off my couch,” she repeatedly pushed his bicep, a wide grin she failed to mask appeared on her face. “You don’t deserve to sit here anymore!”

“I paid for the upholstery,” he said. “I contributed to at least half of this piece of art.”

“You’re so fucking posh,” she giggled.

He placed a hand on his sling, still smiling. “And you stink.”


	6. You’re Doing Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo are bonding and visiting a friend.

In retrospect, they could’ve still lounged around her flat or the rooftop (when the weather was less merciless), if it wasn’t because her neighbors started getting nosy. And it wasn’t until she got a report from her super about the complaint that her ‘guest’ was giving the other tenants distress. 

There was a talk about Kylo Ren working with the mob of something—with what, his all-black getup and few cuts here and there on his face from the day he fell—and that Rey’s life was in danger.

She was confused at first, wondering why everyone she met asked her if she was alright, or sometimes gave her unsolicited advice about not ‘falling to the darkside’—or even worse, falling _ for _ the darksid_er, _ with the assumption that the tall, dark, hulking boy man was her boyfriend. An _ abusive _ one, it seemed, after that one day when Rey accidentally bruised herself when fixing the couch and everyone couldn’t stop visiting her flat and offering a secret code to use if she was in danger. It was sweet, if it wasn’t incessantly annoying after a while.

And then, there was also Old Krennic who seemed hellbent to believe that Kylo Ren was not a human, even offering a contact of an old friend who happened to be a priest to bless her flat. 

However, Kylo wasn’t fazed at all by the rumors he heard about him—it was almost like he was expecting them. To be fair, if he had heard about them before—even under his loud music from his expensive wireless earbuds, then his nonchalant attitude about it made a lot of sense.

If Rey wasn’t mistaken, he even enjoyed watching Rey defending him in front of her neighbors. She thought it was because he couldn’t hear her, so anything she said was a surprise to him. Because if that wasn’t the case, then maybe she just enjoyed watching her doing anything.

Which was also the reason why Rey couldn’t stay still when he was around.

But she figured she didn’t want to think much about it and busied herself all the time. The meditation was stupid because she couldn’t see him with her eyes closed. And it wasn’t like she was certain he would stare at her like she was a circus monkey with a tutu all the time. 

It was just probably the most vulnerable thing she had done with him.

Or with anyone ever.

So, that was why, on the third week, Rey took Kylo to a gym she frequented.

His sling had been taken off the previous weekend, and he had told her that he wanted to stretch his limbs for a bit. It was a good idea—a win-win, one might say—because she could ward off the nosy neighbors, and they both didn’t have to sit still, breathing like she never knew how to do it in the first place (although why, she wondered, sometimes it felt like it was difficult to breathe?).

What Rey didn’t expect was, when Kylo learned that she was actually a pretty skilled bo-staff wielder, he immediately _ challenged _ her for a duel. And once again, she felt like she was a dancing monkey in front of him. _ Dance! Fight me! Amuse me! _

Obviously, he didn’t say any of that, and Rey wondered why she became a lot more sensitive under his gaze sometimes—which was silly, because she was supposed to be used to him by now. _ Isn’t that how that works? _ So, she accepted the challenge as a way for her to wipe off the smirk on his face. Or maybe she just wanted to scratch off the itch she couldn’t reach.

They ended up sparring for hours. She beat him.

“What got you into learning bo-staff?” he asked, lying down on the wooden floor after their long session. His hair was splayed around his head, with a few strands sticking on his face and neck. Rey handed him a bottle of water which he then accepted.

“I don’t know,” she positioned herself next to him. “It looked easy.”

“Was it?”

“It got _ easier,” _ she spread her arms and legs like a starfish. “I think I first learned how to use it at one of my first group homes. I got chased out a lot because I was the scrawniest kid, so I scared them back.”

“Did it work?”

“What do you think?” she turned to look at him, grinning. “I beat you, didn’t I?”

He snorted. “That’s because I’m not in top condition,” he raised an eyebrow, and Rey rolled her eyes. “Hey, _ someone _ punched and kicked and pushed me off the third floor of _ her _ flat. What should I do?”

“Okay, look.” She sat up, “We’ve been through that. It was a misunderstanding. And it wasn't that bad!”

"It wasn't?"

"I know you're stronger than you let on. Admit it!" she narrowed her eyes. "No one should've survived that fall—"

"Oh, god. The fall!" He shuddered. “Sometimes I still have nightmares about it—”

“It was mostly your fault,” she said, nudging his foot with hers. “You scared the crap out of me and Finn. What did you think would happen?”

“Not getting punched in the face?”

“That’s exactly why you deserved it.”

He chuckled, and then looked at the ceiling. “Now you sound like almost everyone who’s had the pleasure of meeting m,” he muttered.

Rey paused. She looked around and saw a few other people going about their business. The gym wasn’t that crowded at this hour, but it wasn’t empty either. She averted her gaze back to Kylo, watching his red kyber necklace rising and falling to the rhythm of his chest as he closed his eyes, looking content.

“What does it feel like?” she asked. Kylo hummed but didn’t open his eyes.

She laid down on the floor again, resting her head on her elbow and facing him. “I mean, what does it feel like hearing everything all the time?”

He opened his eyes slowly, and then turned to look at her. Rey could see them again, the golden rings in his brown eyes. They reminded her of the flares around the sun or warm honey. Sometimes his eyes looked darker, and he would look forlorn and lonely. But sometimes they were like this—bright, tender, pretty. _ Warm. _

Rey felt the itch again. And ignored it. Again.

“It varies,” he said, turning her attention back to the conversation. He raised a hand, his finger made an imaginary circle. “Sometimes it feels like a swarm of bees around your head. Sometimes it’s like notifications on your phone that demand your attention.” 

He stretched his arms above his head, “Sometimes it’s like being underwater. It’s quiet, but there’s something banging inside your head. But if I’m in close distance to someone else, then it just sounds like someone talking—sorta. It doesn’t sound exactly like how they talk regularly, but it’s just there. Open for me to hear. No filter, just… noise.”

“Was it difficult?” she asked.

He sighed. “Difficult means I had to try to do it, I don’t. I’ve had this ability since I was ten, so I think I’m just used to it. It was just scary for the first few months. After that, well, there are things to feel other than fear. It’s just the way it is.” 

Rey felt a pang in her chest, imagining how a ten-year-old Kylo Ren experiencing that. 

She had her own share of feeling lonely—rejected by her own parents, bullied by the bigger kids and the smaller ones who know how to follow orders for their own safety, sneered at by people who thought of her as a poor orphan, or even being given charity as a way for them to look better in public, not because they cared about her or children like her. 

But Rey also found that solitude was her comfort. 

It was different from feeling lonely; it was the liberating feeling of being alone. She knew when to turn off her brain and retreat from the noise. And as she grew up, she started to take interest in fixing things—not just punching her frustration away; she started creating something out of other people’s garbage by herself. 

At first, it was because she wanted to be helpful so she started to fix broken toasters or couches. But then, she learned that people mostly left her alone when she was like that. They didn’t even say much when she started to turn garbage into something else—for them, she was just that ‘weird kid’.

She then found that the solitude of creation and being with herself, away from the noises of the world, was how she coped with being nothing—a nobody. 

But now she wondered if Kylo had never had the luxury of experiencing that. A personal solitude. 

She wondered if he had done everything by himself, too. Like the way he crudely made the charm of his necklace. It didn’t look like anything an adult would make. It wasn’t like the one she had—and that, too, made her wonder if he had made it when he was older. Made it for his cure and waited until he met her.

He had been lonely and waiting. Just like her.

“Some people, though,” he suddenly said. “Are interesting to listen to because they’re so transparent and have no malice in them.” Rey blinked as he smiled. “Your friend Finn is one example.”

She scoffed. “Stop messing with him!” she replied, pretending to be annoyed. “He’s trying his best.”

“And he cares about you, too,” he muttered. “A whole lot.”

Rey drifted her gaze to the ceiling, exhaling sharply. “He just wants to make sure I’m okay, you know. We’ve been taking care of each other for a long time. We found each other when we were younger, so now we’re family.”

On the corner of her eyes, she saw Kylo sitting up and opening the water bottle. “That’s good,” he said. “Sometimes when you can’t rely on your own family, you feel the need to find it somewhere else.”

There was a tinge of veiled emotion in his voice when he said that. It almost sounded contemplative—longing, but she could just make it up inside her head. She didn’t know much about him. Even when Finn was trying to pry a little bit, Kylo always gave him short answers—and sometimes he deflected by messing with Finn which also always worked to drive him away. 

_ My family couldn’t do anything about it _ was the first—and probably, the only—time he had brought up his family. She wondered if his quest to find a cure for his condition made him away from them. 

Rey looked at him, watching him finish his drink. “Is your family in Chandrila?”

He paused, almost taken aback. “I don’t know. Maybe?” he swallowed. “Haven’t seen them in a long time.”

Rey didn’t miss the finality in his answer. It was no surprise that he suddenly got to his feet and walked to his towel and wiped his face.

“I’m going to shower,” he said, throwing the towel to his broad shoulders. “See you in fifteen?”

He didn’t wait to see her nod and left.

* * *

During the first month working with Kylo Ren, Rey could already afford a lot of things she denied herself before. She bought new tools for her art projects, went to the movies with a couple of classmates, bought a couple of books about art collections—which Finn jokingly called ‘expensive coasters’. She even paid her share of rent three months in advance. 

She often couldn’t believe the amount of money she had in her bank account—couldn’t believe how easy for Kylo to just gave it to her weekly, especially since she didn’t think they had much progress at all.

They were meeting each other at her place (there was nothing they could do about the disappointment her well-meaning neighbors showed her) or the public library, reading things, having discussions, doing meditation, and sparring—which, obviously, was much more interesting than sitting and doing nothing. She finally brought that up to Kylo one evening when he was walking her home from the gym after their sparring (Kylo won this time).

“Huh,” was the only response he gave her as he took off his earbuds and shoved them into his pocket. His face was almost hidden under his black hoodie, leaving only his lower face and his long fringe under it. They were walking past the crowded district around Little Takodana with their gym bags on their backs.

“I mean, am I not wrong?” she said. “It’s not that I think we’ve been doing nothing. I just don’t think I made any progress at all. I think I’m getting better at meditation—doesn’t mean I like it, but I tolerate it better. But other than that, I don’t know. I feel like I still don’t understand the ‘Force’ or what I can do with it.”

Even after weeks had gone by, Rey still used air-quotes when talking about the force. In all honesty, she still didn’t know what to feel about a lot of things in her new part-time job. She now knew that a lot of ingredients used in spells were actually plant-based stuff, instead of, for example, real dragon’s eyeball or something. She also learned that bay leaves were precious because it had been said that they could break hexes—and this was something that she could safely talk with Finn and ended up with him enthusiastically growing one in their flat.

But other than that, Rey’s work with Kylo was still like walking in the dark. 

The only thing that saw the light was her bank account.

Sometimes she felt that Kylo just wanted a company, and that made her feel shitty for thinking that. Especially, since he didn’t seem to show that kind of interest in her.

Not that she had some thoughts about it.

At least, not a lot.

Kylo pursed his lips, seemingly thinking about something. Rey waited for another response as she took a long stride to match his. She noticed that he had been slowing himself down when walking with her, but even that didn’t stop his long legs to reach more space than hers when he was immersed in his thoughts.

“I think,” he finally said, “you’re doing well.”

“How so? As your so-called ‘cure’, I haven’t done anything important,” she waved her hand. “And you… I mean, don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate what you’ve done to my bank account. But, don’t you think it’s…” She moved her head from left to right, “...a bit… you know, uh, excessive? Since, like I said, I haven’t—”

He suddenly stopped, and Rey almost bumped into his bag. He pulled the hoodie back and stared at her. His hair bounced as it was released from the confinement.

“Rey,” he said, cocking his eyebrow. “Do you think you don’t deserve it?”

_ That _ again. Regardless of what he said about not being able to hear her, she felt like he always knew.

Rey moved from foot to foot. “I don’t know.”

Suddenly she felt his hands on her shoulders, and he gently moved her closer to give other people space. She tilted her head up to him.

“I hope you don’t think too much about it,” he said, looking around until a wave of pedestrians walked past them. He turned his gaze back to her, the streetlamps shining above his head like a halo. “You’re worth every penny. And more.”

Rey’s grip on her bag strap tightens. “I hope you’re right,” she said under her breath.

“I know I am,” he smirked. “You’ll see.”

She pulled the strap of her gym bag while staring at her shoes. Kylo withdrew his hands from her shoulders and shoved them back to his hoodie pockets. They were quiet for a moment, until suddenly Rey’s stomach started to grumble. She looked up to him and smiled sheepishly.

“Dinner?” he asked.

She bit her lower lip. “I know a place.”

* * *

“Of course,” he said as they stood in front of Maz’s diner.

“I got an employee’s discount,” Rey pushed the door open. “And if I’m not mistaken, I remember you enjoyed the waffle.”

“It was a good one,” he said as they walked inside. 

Rey snorted. “Maz wouldn’t like it if you tell her that it’s just ‘good’.”

The place wasn’t that crowded although there were still a handful of patrons. Rey knew this would happen, especially since a new food chain had opened next door. Maz, however, still worked as hard as ever, standing behind the desk and reading orders out loud to her cook.

Her attention snapped to Rey as she and Kylo took a seat near the window. Rey put down her bag and went to her.

“Need help?” she grinned at the older woman.

Maz scoffed, but giving her a fond smile nonetheless. “Never,” she said. “What are you doing here, child?”

“Breakfast for dinner?” Rey pretended to read the menu on the wall. “I’m peckish.”

“Who’s with you?” Maz asked. “A new friend?”

“That’s…” Rey took a glance at Kylo who now seemed engrossed with the menu on the table. “...Kylo. My boss. My other boss. I brought him here once when you—”

She raised her eyebrows, feeling weird that it was the first time she addressed Kylo as such. Their relationship didn’t look like one, and she often forgot that she was supposed to be working when they were spending time together. Weird.

“Ah, yes,” Maz nodded. “The man I’ve heard so much about.”

“Oh?”

“Everyone told me you brought a man to my establishment and yet, you’ve never mentioned it to me even though I’m back,” the older woman folded her arms, her expression was playful. “Is that really_ him? _”

“Who?” Rey blinked, feeling her cheeks flushed all of sudden.

“The researcher?” Maz asked, narrowing her eyes as she leaned on the counter. “Does he pay you better than I do?” 

Rey shook her head, a grin started to form on her lips. “Come on.”

“Well,” Maz turned her head to Kylo who was now staring at one of his earbuds before shoving it inside his ear. “Now that I know he looks like that, I’m not surprised that you wanted to quit.”

“Maz!” Rey laughed. “I never said I wanted to quit. I said I can help you and you don’t have to pay me anymore.”

“That’s quitting,” she pointed a ballpoint at Rey’s face, her eyes squinting at her behind her big glasses. “You know damn well that I won’t ask for assistance without proper compensation. What do you think I am, child? A big fat corporation? Unkar Plutt?”

“Oh, please!” Rey shook her head. Maz gestured her hand, telling her to ask her ‘Handsome Boss’ his order. Rey walked backward to Kylo’s seat while mouthing ‘stop it’ to Maz.

Rey dragged a chair and then sat down. “That’s Maz. My employer. Anyway, what do you want to order? I ordered the Super Breakfast. It’s breakfast for champions.”

“Why does everything have ‘super’ or ‘special’ here?” he frowned, still studying the menu. He then pursed his lips, flipping the menu once again before nodding. “But yeah, I’d like that. Sounds delicious.”

Two glasses of ale were suddenly placed on the table. “On the house,” Maz said. Her eyes then flickered to Kylo. “Hello.”

Kylo awkwardly nodded and took the earbuds off his ears, “Uh, hi.”

“I’m Maz,” she extended her hand which Kylo accepted. Their size difference was so staggering, that even when sitting, he was still taller than her. And his hand was almost two and a half times bigger.

“Kylo,” he replied. Rey noticed the little flinch on his face, followed by an abrupt jerk of his hand once it touched Maz. She took her ale and nudged against Kylo’s to get his attention. His eyes immediately flickered to her and she smiled at him.

“The ale is also good here,” Rey said while taking a big swig. “Maz, we order Super Breakfast for two—”

“You look familiar,” Maz cut her off. She leaned down and pushed her glasses back. “Have we met before?”

“No,” he replied, fingers tapping on the table. “This is the first time I’ve been here.”

“Really,” she said. There was a beat of silence. Her eyes squinted behind her huge glasses, as though she was assessing him. 

Rey could tell that Kylo started to look uncomfortable, like he wanted to shove his earbuds and his loud music back in his ears—and she wondered how much of Maz’s thoughts had leaked to him. She felt an odd sympathy, although she couldn’t possibly figure out what Maz would’ve had thought that made Kylo reacted that way.

It was subtle, but it was there. Rey wondered if Maz even noticed it.

But then, Maz clicked her tongue and clasped her hands together. 

“Well, I could be wrong. I am very old,” she laughed. She then stared at Rey, her expression warm and yet unreadable. “Sometimes you see the same eyes in different people.” 

Rey raised her eyebrows and turned to Kylo who looked as perplexed as she was. 

Maz then quietly tapped Rey’s shoulder before leaving them alone. They stared at her back until she yelled their order to the cook and disappeared behind the counter again.

“She’s… something,” Kylo said, worrying the earbuds in his hands.

Rey took another sip of her ale. “She only knows you as an art researcher—that was what I told everyone else. She doesn’t care much about the art world, so she never takes interest as long as I get paid.”

Kylo leaned his forehead on his hand. “That makes sense,” he said. “Technically, what we’re doing still constitutes as research.”

“Yeah, and research takes time.”

“It does,” His shoulders slumped as he leaned back in the seat. He stared at the window, the lights from the street falling on his side profile.

“Kylo,” Rey started, placing her elbows on the table.

“Hm?”

“Something wrong?” she asked.

He bit his inner cheek, although he still had his attention to the outside. “Nothing.”

She watched him for a moment, noticing that he seemed to slowly regulate his breathing. His big hands were still playing with the buds the way Rey usually did with the necklace he gave her. Whatever it was he was thinking, it must’ve been bothering him.

“Maz’s a good egg,” Rey started. “She took me in when I had nothing.”

Kylo paused. “Yeah, I got that impression.”

“Well,” she said. “If you somehow hear her thoughts and then—”

He immediately turned to look at her, his eyebrows raised. “Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, I get it. I didn’t take it personally.”

Now it was her turn to frown, “Huh? What was she thinking?”

“Nothing,” Kylo ran his hand through his hair. “Mostly just, you know, trying to make sure that I’m not bad news.”

Rey snorted. “Did she say that?”

“Sort of,” he shrugged. “She kind of thought that I’m…” He paused, as though weighing his next words. And then, “It’s nothing. I don’t think she needs to worry.” And then a murmur that sounded almost like, “I think I should be worried about my well-being if you beat me up—”

“What was that?” she asked, nudging her feet to his.

“Nothing,” he replied. He gave him a wolfish grin like he enjoyed how he made her a tad bit frustrated with another secret.

That was his thing, though. Sometimes he told her everything when she asked about what he heard from the people they met, sometimes he didn’t and he looked so damn smug when he did it. It annoyed her. Especially, when he and Finn just stared at each other like they were conspiring something behind her back.

Rey had pondered it a lot. It kinda sucked being his cure. She would’ve outright lied if she’d never had a tiny bit of envy of his ability. But that feeling was always squashed right away when she thought of how disturbed he had been with it.

Now that she thought about it, her mind went back to their earlier discussion—her concern, to be exact. She wondered if he had already got what he wanted but didn’t tell her (and that made her think about the possibilities). The only thing noticeable from him, she just figured, was the little things.

She realized that in some way, he had changed.

Well, maybe he hadn’t, but he had loosened up around him. Or maybe she was used to him that the change felt subtle and yet noticeable enough. Because, if she thought about it, she had changed too. Also, a tiny bit. And maybe less subtly.

But unlike her erratic heartbeat that sometimes happened when he was in close proximity to her, what seemed to happen to him was the opposite. He was—

“Remember the first time we met?” she asked. 

He turned to look at her and snorted. “Believe me, that one is hard to forget.”

She rolled her eyes. “I know,” she said. “But what I’m about to say is, you’re... different now.”

“Oh?” he looked intrigued. “In what way?”

She pushed stray hair to the back of her ear. “I don’t know,” she said. “You look... Relaxed? Serene? Like, I remember how… intense—” She narrowed her eyes as he snorted, “Listen, guy. You came to me and hovered like a vengeful spirit.”

“Who are you calling ‘guy’—wait, vengeful spirit?” He scoffed. “It wasn’t that bad. And I didn’t ‘hover’.” He made an air quote and then threw a napkin at her.

“You so did,” she giggled. She then paused. “I almost thought—like, in a slight second—that. ‘Oh shit, Finn might be right!’ and I have never, ever thought of anything he deems scary as nothing but mildly amusing—because it’s not real—and you, never tell him that I had a moment of doubt. And, then, you didn’t even ask me _ if _ I want to help. You told me that I _ must. _ I thought you were in a hurry and couldn’t wait any longer for a cure.”

Kylo shook his head, his hand rubbing his chin. “Is that what you've been thinking about?”

“Is that obvious?” she stared at her own nails.

“It is now,” he put his hand on the table, his fingers almost touching hers. “I can’t hear your thoughts, remember?” He chuckled, “Although, you’re not the best when it comes to hiding what you feel.”

“Oh?” she fidgeted, feeling heat start crawling on her cheeks.

“Yeah,” he said. “You’re always like this—” he scrunched his brow together for a moment. “—when you meditate. When you hate something, you show it.”

Rey scoffed, almost sighing in relief. “Just because I said I’m used to it, it doesn’t mean it stops being boring.” She took her ale and pointed it at him, “Look. If there’s another way for us to ‘connect with the Force’ or whatever other than just sitting and breathing, I’d do that in a heartbeat.”

He gave her a rumbling chuckle, his eyes crinkled. Rey had to flick her gaze down to the table.

“You were right,” she heard him say. “I was in a hurry. I had been looking for you and when I found you, I tried to find a way of knowing you before asking for your help. That day was especially difficult for me.”

She gulped down her ale. “What happened that day?”

Kylo scrunched his nose. “Just a long day,” he took a sip. “And I thought, sooner or later I still had to confront you. So I did.”

That again. Just like every time Rey asked about his family, he would cut that off and stir the conversation away. She decided not to push it, although she wanted to know.

“So, you’re not in a hurry anymore? Because—because you found me.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “Technically, I still am. I’m always in a hurry. I can't wait to get rid of it.”

She finally raised her head to him. “In that case, then why do you seem so… chill about it now?”

When she looked at her, she found him already staring. His eyes were boring straight at her, they were warm under the dimmed light. She pulled her hand away, hiding it with its twin under the table so he wouldn’t see them fidgeting.

“Well,” he gave her a lopsided smile. “Maybe because you’ve been doing a good job?”

Rey’s heart skipped a beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to post this last weekend but forgot about it. ^^;  
And maybe if I stop adding stuff, then I'll upload faster lol.
> 
> Meanwhile, this is what I've been doing on [twitter](https://twitter.com/rakefired/status/1183777451249262592?s=20) and [tumblr](https://rakefired.tumblr/com).


	7. Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is having a dream about something from the past. And something new.

Growing up, Rey was used to nightmares.

Sometimes, the reality didn’t diverge that much—at least, not in a dramatic way. One way or another, her dreams often revolved around her and her parents. Some dreams felt so real, that when she was younger, she thought they would affect her reality. 

Things weren’t that great when she dreamed of them coming back to her, because then she would expect that they really did. But most of the time, her dreams felt like being mined of her memory: they left her and she would wait and wait. 

It was always about the same night, the same building—the first orphanage she was in was the one where her parents had left her when she was six years old. 

She only stayed there for two weeks because there was a fire. And after that, she was hauled inside the system and moved around. But the memory stayed much longer than that. There were the orphanage and its wooden door.

Rey often saw the enormous door in her dreams, the first thing she saw when her parents left her. It was always raining when she saw it, big storm prickling her skin—every wet particle of water seeping through her tiny body, as though it was condemning her with rejection and the feeling of being lost; a confusion that could easily grow into anger. She didn’t know it when it happened, but in her dreams, her feelings were muddled into one: the newness of being lost and confused, and the realization that she was completely, utterly abandoned and alone.

During her time at various group homes, she also had made herself an easy target for the adults who weren’t happy with their lives, and other children who felt as lost as her. She was hated for something she had no control of.

And yet, none of their mistreatment scarred her more than the wooden door.

Rey hadn’t dreamed of that door for years now, she thought. But tonight, it came back to her.

It came back once again with a rainstorm. It was dark and she was alone. Her hands were covered in mud and she felt her face wet—although she doubted if that was from the rain. Just like her previous dreams, she was standing in front of it. Her hand grasped an empty air, reminiscing a plush toy that had been dropped at a gas station somewhere. Just like her, it had been lost. Alone. Abandoned.

In her dream, she never wanted to go inside the orphanage, because if she did, then her parents wouldn’t be able to see her again. They had told her to _ wait here, don’t go anywhere _ which somehow was translated into _ we’ll come back if you wait _ in her mind at that time. They just left to pick up the poor Bunny at the gas station. They couldn’t leave, could they?

So, she waited and waited. Even when she had moved past it, some of it still remained in her dreams.

But this time, the echo of her mother’s voice was so faint and the sound of the rainstorm was louder. And this time, she turned her back from the door, feeling as though something—_someone _ was waiting for her in the rain.

And there it was. Shrouded with darkness, a mysterious figure was standing under the rain. A menacing shadow—large and looming, and she couldn’t see their face. She should’ve run—maybe, if the pull to the figure she felt wasn’t as obvious. 

If her previous dreams could tell her something, it had been that there was always darkness lurking in the rain. An unrecognizable monster. A big snake. A long bridge that she couldn’t see the end of—basically, all of the things she could contribute to the movies she watched or the stories she read once she was awake. Whatever it was, she would forget about it until the next time it appeared.

But things that used to scare her before only emboldened her now. She felt her legs approaching the shadow while the rain was still mercilessly trying to plant her weight to the ground. The water hurt her face and she could barely see anything. 

The figure moved.

They raised their long arm and extended their hand to her. And for reasons she didn’t know, her own hand was reaching for it.

And suddenly, her mouth whispered something. One word. 

She felt the shadow stare back at her. It was like an abyss, deep and dark and cold. And although she was supposed to feel scared, she couldn’t ignore the strange feelings that kept drawing her to the dark figure.

Rey said the word again—louder this time. The same word. And she felt a lump in her throat like she wanted to cry—the feeling was so overwhelming, like her insides turning upside down. A flood of emotions that she couldn’t hold back.

One word.

But when her hand was so close to the shadow, she heard something from behind her. A creak on the door, and she turned to the source of the noise.

A big golden snake propelled itself to her, its mouth open—

—and she gasped.

Awake.

Rey’s eyes shot open and she sat up immediately, cold sweat on her forehead and back. 

Her heartbeat hammered against her chest and it echoed in her skull. She grasped her thin blanket, once again hearing the sound of rain, albeit much quieter than in her dream—and... something else.

A knock on her window.

She jerked her head to it in high alert, almost screamed when she saw a figure in black behind the window. Her hand quickly reached for her desk lamp to throw at it.

It wasn’t a few seconds later than she recognized the figure as Kylo Ren.

He pulled his hoodie back, revealing his pale skin, as he rapped at the window glass. She blinked disbelievingly, still dumbfounded. The aftereffect of the dream still latched onto her. And add that with her so-called _ employer _ suddenly showing up on the emergency stairs, right in front of her bedroom window. 

She then turned the light on and pulled herself to the window. She yanked it open.

“Kylo, what are you—”

The rain, she noticed, had turned into drizzles and the moon peeked behind the clouds, the light faintly falling on his face.

“I need to see you,” he breathed, his thick hair almost covering his face as it fluttered with every intake of air. He looked as though he had just run; his skin glistened with sweat. 

Rey’s mouth fell open, totally not expecting him to say anything like that. She grasped the fabric of her sleeping shirt to her chest. "I don't—what?" 

"May I come in?" he asked, ducking his head from the window frame. "Please?"

She furrowed her brow but let him in nonetheless. His hulking body was trying to fit through the small window; he threw his head first, and then his long legs one by one. Rey had to move away to give him some space. 

She was watching him with part curiosity, part amusement, and something else that coiled inside her stomach. 

When he was inside, he took a quick glance at her bedroom. Rey shifted on her feet, realizing how messy it was. There was still junk from last semester that she hadn’t gotten rid of. And it wasn’t as if she was prepared to have someone—her _ boss_, specifically—come inside in the middle of the night.

“You can always use the front door, you know,” she broke the silence as he took off his slippers and put them on the window frame. Kylo paused and then stared at her. Now that Rey could really saw him, she noticed that his hair was a bit wet, and so was a little part on his shoulders.

“Yes,” he combed his hair with his fingers. His Adam’s apple bobbed like the realization just dawned on him, that he also found the whole situation inappropriate. “Of course. I should’ve—”

The silence fell in the room again. He straightened his torso, no longer looking awkward for barging in his employee’s bedroom in the middle of the night. Instead, he was staring at her, tilting his head like he was looking for something. And they were so close to each other that Rey felt her breathing started to hitch. 

She turned away and sat on her bed, fully aware that Kylo was still watching her.

“Why are you here?” she asked, fiddling the fabric of her sleeping pants with her fingers. “What is it that you can’t wait until tomorrow morning?”

“I felt something,” he said, his voice low. “The Force…”

Rey raised her head at him. She saw him advancing, only stopping a couple of feet from her bed. She saw it then, his subtle expression—the concern that his eyes couldn’t mask, regardless of how aloof the rest of his face would appear.

He darted his gaze to a stool which Rey used to put on a box full of her assignments. “May I?”

She nodded, and he moved the box to the floor, joining the other trash she had been procrastinating getting rid of. He placed the stool in front of Rey and then sat on it. He took a deep breath, hands clasped between his legs and his shoulders hunched.

“Rey,” he started. “Did something happen? Did you experience something?”

Rey swallowed. She almost asked what he meant by that, but she simply replied, “I had a dream. A nightmare. I’m not sure. It’s not a big deal.”

Because it really wasn’t. She was used to it. A little stress might cause it. _ Anything, _ might cause it.

She touched her forehead and noticed that the cold sweat was still there. From her peripherals, she could see Kylo’s fingers fidget a little, like he wanted to reach forward, but then he balled his hands into fists. He looked fully concerned now, his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched.

“What was it about?” he asked.

“It was—,” she exhaled sharply. “A recurring dream, I think. The wooden door where my parents left me. Heavy rain. I just—I can’t remember the rest of it.”

He shifted the stool closer, their knees almost touching. His deep brown eyes moved as they scanned her face. He exuded curiosity, observing her like she was the subject of a study. 

Rey couldn’t help but focus her gaze elsewhere. It wasn’t the first time they sat too close like this, but somehow she felt a little spasm in her chest when he acted as though the intimacy from their close distance was irrelevant—not worth talking about.

She shouldn’t have felt bad about it. He was her employer. But she often wondered if he was so desensitized to their closeness and would see her as nothing but his cure. But could she blame him?

And then again, maybe the uneasiness she felt was just the result of her bad dream. A bad dream she couldn’t even remember. The wooden door. The rain. Whatever.

“I can help you with that,” he spoke softly. 

She didn’t know what he meant by that, but she nodded anyway, almost unthinkingly. He withdrew from the small space between them, placing his hands on his knees and she mirrored his action. They had practiced this very stance so many times that her body just automatically set in. 

“Close your eyes,” he said. “Breathe.”

She did as she was told. She slowed down her breathing, focusing on the rise and fall of her diaphragm. His baritone voice guided her, and her heartbeat grew steady. 

Kylo asked her about the dream, about the door and the rain and other things she saw and how she felt. She told him about the heavy drag of her feet, the cold stab of the rain—the looming shadow that lurked in the dark. 

And somehow, she started to remember.

“Can you see it clearly?” she heard him say. “The shadow?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Can you try?”

“It—_he’s _ there… standing.”

“It was a man?” he asked. She scrunched her eyebrows, and then nodded. “And then what?”

“There’s a snake.”

Rey felt him shift a little. She tilted her head, “A big snake. From the door.”

“The snake,” he said, “is coming from behind you?”

She nodded. He asked again, “The snake is not… the shadow?”

“It isn’t,” she shook her head. “They’re different. The snake is golden. It jumps at me—” she sucked in a breath and shuddered, her fingers gripping her knees tightly. “—like it wants me to—like it…”

Her eyes screwed shut like a headache was coming. All she could see was darkness. And along with it, the reminder of the big golden snake—like its scales were spray-painted. Unnatural. Sinister. Was it always in her dreams too?

Rey felt her heartbeat racing against her ribs and her breathing quickened. Her hands fisted her knees tightly that she was sure it’d bruise.

“Shh,” she heard him again. “It’s okay. The snake can’t touch you here. You’re safe, Rey. I’m here.”

A pause. And then he repeated, “I’m here.”

Rey felt something then. It was like warmth—some kind of energy that radiated from him. It traveled to her through the air, to the whole room, and she felt like her body was much lighter. 

_ I’m here. _

_ You’re safe. _

Her breathing calmed down. And then she heard him again.

“Let’s go back to the shadow.”

She saw the shadow again, and this time, her feelings had changed. Her heartbeat grew steady again, and so did her breathing. She decided that the snake wasn’t the only one she had seen in her dreams. But the shadow, she wasn’t afraid of it. Of _ him. _

“Is he just standing there?” he asked. “Can you describe what happened?”

“He was—” Rey breathed as an image was once again conjured in her mind. “—standing. On a bridge.”

Kylo was quiet for a moment. And then, “What bridge?”

“It was a long bridge, dark—it was raining, so I couldn’t really see anything until—” she swallowed. “—until he reached out to me.”

Another silence.

“Did you see what he was doing?” he muttered. “Or what he just did? If he did anything—”

Rey shook her head, feeling a tiny jab in her chest like it wasn’t her own.

“I just—I feel—he feels… familiar,” she said. “It’s like this isn’t the first time we meet. Like it isn’t the first time I saw him in my dream. But—” She took a deep breath, “It’s the first time I can say something to him.”

Her concentration was disrupted by the sound of the stool scraping slightly against the floor. Kylo, however, still remained seated—she thought. She felt his little movement, but didn’t open her eyes. And when she heard him again, she was back in focus.

“What are you saying to him?”

“I don’t know.”

He sounded like he was masking concern, “Can you try to remember it?”

“I... I don’t know.”

“Rey,” she felt the heat from his hands hovering above her. “Please?”

Rey scrunched her eyes tighter. “I… can’t.”

She heard him sigh. “It’s okay,” he said, his voice turned softer. “We can try again later. Now, just slowly open your eyes—”

“One word,” she suddenly said. She heard him breathing.

“What is that, Rey?”

“I said,” she furrowed her brow. “One word.”

“Do you know what that is?”

She felt as her heartbeat started to pick up the pace. Her chest started to feel heavier, like the oxygen was cut off from her lungs. It came to her almost like a resistance—and it came from herself. It was almost like when she thought of the snake, but this time it felt like the resistance was her own doing.

She didn’t want to give up. But whatever mental block that caused her to fail remembering kept her in the same space. It was as though the more she tried to remember, the harder it was.

The memory felt like cold water in the winter. It bit into her skin like a punishment. Or if it was a punishment, then it could explain why she suddenly felt like she had made a big mistake. Like that time during her childhood when she was chastised for being a kid. Like, that time when her parents left her and made her feel rejected.

And she tried to run away from it. No. She had tried to run away from it. But this time, she had to be able to remember. She had to—

Suddenly she felt Kylo’s hand on top of hers, no longer hovering. But it was now reassuring.

“Rey,” he said. “It’s okay. Open your eyes.”

And she did. With disappointment, she did.

His face came into her view once again. He felt real. He was real. And for reasons she couldn’t explain, she choked on tears. 

But when she touched her face, there were no tears. It was like they were stuck somewhere in her system. Impending, almost imploding.

It was a strange feeling. 

There was a minute when she thought he would disappear once she opened her eyes. It was ridiculous because Kylo was there, in her bedroom. It wasn’t like a dream where she would open her eyes and everything was gone—

“Are you okay?” Kylo said. The reassuring touch of his hand was still resting on her skin. It was warm—so warm that she felt she could bask in it. 

But Kylo was not supposed to be this warm, was he?

So, there must be something—

“I’m sorry,” he suddenly said. “I didn’t mean to pressure you.”

She wanted to say that _ no, you did not pressure me. I need to remember. _ But her voice was stuck in her throat. And then, he pulled his hand from hers. But the warmth that surrounded her somehow stayed, hovering like a ghost—like the conversation wasn’t over yet.

He got to his feet. “I, uh—” he looked away, his hand which had held her was balled into a fist. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Rey just watched as he walked to the window.

But then—

“A name.”

Kylo paused as her voice came back. He slowly turned around. It was almost like Rey was transported back to his dream. Images clashing into one. A tall dark figure staring back at her. 

“Whose name?” his voice dropped. 

She slowly took a step closer to him, and with that, the heavy tug in her chest was gone. 

Everything started to become clearer. 

“Ben.”


	8. Ben

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns something about Kylo's past. And something sparks between them.

Kylo’s eyes went wide as she stared at her. 

Rey felt the swirling of energy around her shift and slowly evaporate, becoming one with the air and flying away from her. From him. There was no warmth anymore, just the chilly air that her opened window had invited in. 

Her throat felt dry all of sudden. But she couldn’t look away from Kylo, from the way his fair complexion turned a little pink, and how his eyes were cast down to his feet. She also noticed the muscle under his eye twitch, and his breathing seemed to pick up as his nails kept digging into his palms like he was grabbing hold of sand and wanted to crush it.

“Are you sure?” Kylo asked, his voice was almost strained. “You didn’t say ‘monster’ or a ‘mur—”

“Who’s Ben?” she asked. 

He turned his face to the side, seemingly still avoiding her prodding gaze. But then his hands went relax on his sides. He looked up to the ceiling, exhaling sharply.

“An old name,” he said. “Haven’t used it in a while.”

Rey blinked. “Whose—is that—” 

Kylo finally looked at her again. He looked resigned, the edge of his lips almost curling upward. His brown eyes turned soft, but there was an underlying uneasiness that stared back to her.

“I think you already know the answer,” he said.

“Kylo Ren is not your real name?” her eyes widened. She immediately slapped her hand to her mouth, realizing her voice turned louder.

And with that, Kylo chuckled. “It’s the name I chose.”

“I’m sorry, but,” she waved her hand. “What’s wrong with Ben? Wait, is your real name Ben Ren?” She stifled a smile and then cleared her throat, “Sorry again.”

Kylo—Ben sighed. “Is that funny?” he playfully narrowed his eyes at her. “Having fun, are we?”

She bit her lip, shaking her head. “Nope.”

“Go on. Laugh,” he said and she kept shaking her head, although she couldn’t help letting her chin quiver for holding a giggle. “As much as I love that you seem so entertained by this, I hate to break it to you that my real name is, in fact, not Ben Ren.”

“Oh?” she raised her eyebrows.

He smiled, although he still seemed uncertain as if he was weighing something inside his head.

“It’s—" his jaw hardened for a moment before breathing another smile at her. "It's Ben Solo.”

Her eyes widened as another ‘oh’ came out of her mouth. 

She tested his name under her breath. It tasted different from Kylo Ren. _ Ben Solo, _ she repeated. And slowly, a wide grin formed on her face. 

“Nice to meet you then,” she said, clasping her hands behind her back. “Ben Solo.”

She saw the twitch under his eye again, and he looked like he stopped breathing for a moment. His ears reddened that it was almost too sweet to witness. But before Rey could ask him what was wrong, his shoulders tensed while his arms were resting awkwardly on his sides.

“Yeah yeah,” he cleared his throat. “Nice. Um. Yeah.”

Rey tilted her head, her eyes following his movement. She almost thought he looked relieved before realizing that he was just flustered—and a tiny part of her rejoiced at that.

But then, her attention drifted back to her surroundings. She noticed it now, her small bedroom looked so tiny in comparison to him. It didn’t matter that his clothing almost blended with the darkness of the room, he still looked looming—too large for a narrow space. And because of that, she remembered her dream again.

“Ben?” she called. 

He turned his head to her, his mouth opened but no words coming out. She cursed inwardly, realizing that maybe he didn’t want to be called by his old name. He had changed his name for a reason, why couldn’t she call him Kylo?

But then, he replied to her. “Yeah?”

Relief flooded her chest. It wasn't like she hated the name Kylo; she just decided that she liked Ben better. And she might call him that if he was fine with it. 

It looked like he was.

“I have… questions.”

He approached her and then awkwardly sat down on the stool again, his shoulders drooped. “Shoot.”

“That dream,” she started, sitting down on her bed, “is a recurring dream of mine. The details keep changing, but some elements stay. The wooden door, the rain, the muddy ground. And now that I think of it, the snake and the bridge might also be part of it. I mean, the wooden door and the rain were actually the last memory I have with my parents, but everything else—do you know what any of that means? And how did I know your name when you never told me about it before? Have… have we met before?”

“Rey,” his hands clenched once again. “The curse that was cast upon me had created a bond between us, and that’s how we found each other. I have dreamed about you before, and now you know that you have, too.” He paused for a moment, "It's just—I'm sorry if for you it manifested in bad dreams."

"I don't remember most of it," she shrugged. "Maybe some dreams weren't bad?"

He forced a tight-lipped smile. "I'm still sorry if that's your introduction to me."

She shook her head. “But why I could only remember half of it? I should’ve remembered you.”

His face turned soft. “I don’t know.” 

Rey bit her inner cheek. “Is it… because it really happened?”

“What did?”

“Some parts of it—the wooden door, the rain, the mud,” she tucked a stray hair to the back of her ear. “Those were from something that really happened in my life. I… I’m fine now, I guess. But when I was younger, it took me some time to tell myself that it wasn’t real. That my parents would come back.”

She inhaled, trying to smile while her hands worried the fabric of her pants. “They never did. And I turned out okay, but—I guess, somewhere deep in my mind, I couldn’t—can’t let that go.”

She lifted her head, expecting him to give her a pitying look—just like everyone else whenever they heard her story. A sympathy. But when she looked at him, he looked like he almost cried. His eyes were glazed with tears and his chin quivered.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I’m sorry that they never came back.”

Rey swallowed, her hands balled into fists. “It’s—I’m…” she paused, not knowing what to say. “I forgave them. Most of the time. I need to do it for my own sake. And I have—everyone else. I have Finn, Maz, and—”

_ —you. _

She didn’t say the last word but his eyes widened. He opened his mouth, on the brink of saying something, but then he just cast his eyes down. His jaw worked like he was deep in his mind.

“But you,” she started. “You remember everything. You remember me.” 

He nodded.

“Meeting me was your future as you are mine.” He paused, once again looking forlorn. “But I get why it took you a while to remember me. Sometimes the past—just like the memory of your parents leaving you—finds its way to drag you with it. Repeating old memories like they were the only reality you can have.”

Her face went tense, tears almost prickling her eyes. There was that sound of longing and regret in his voice that she could somehow relate. Was he abandoned, too? Or did he lose something? _ Someone? _

“But,” she swallowed. “Why me? Why is it you and me? Why us?”

He closed his eyes for a moment. “Our fate is entwined.”

He said that with a doubtful conviction, like it was something he just realized although he probably had that idea in his mind before. Maybe long before they met. Maybe since the first time he knew she was his cure.

Rey felt her stomach twist in a knot. He still had his eyes on her so that she thought she started to see it now—beneath his aloofness, beneath his distance that he had imposed between them. He had thought about the dreams in some way, probably far long before this moment. He had probably wondered if she had them, too.

“As I said, you might’ve… seen me before,” he said, looking uneasy like he didn’t know how to properly express himself. “In your dreams. And you might forget about it every time you awake. And I have dreams about you too, and that’s why I found you. It’s not a coincidence.”

“It’s _ fate?” _ she asked. At this point, she didn’t know what to expect from the conversation. But she knew he was telling the truth. And she wanted to gravitate to that—to his words.

The familiar feeling she felt when seeing the shadow in her dream, and how she approached him and called his name. His real name. And suddenly, the weight of their relationship felt apparent to her.

“When you said you wanted my help,” she fiddled with her fingers. “You knew I wouldn’t say no, would you? That this is really something that I have to do?”

“I didn’t,” he shook his head.

"What would you do if I said no?"

Ben opened his mouth like he was wary about something. "I just thought I'd try again," he said. "I don't think I could let you go. And you might not deny this... bond.”

Rey’s hands twitched. 

“Ben,” she muttered. "What happens if the curse is not broken?"

“The curse will stay on forever if I’m not cured,” he replied. He splayed his hand, staring at it as the light from the nightstand fell on it. “That’s what he told me.”

“Who?”

“Snoke,” he said. “The demon who did it to me.”

“Demon?” she raised her eyebrows.

He gulped. “He often showed up in different forms. One of them is a golden snake.”

Rey felt a lump caught in her throat. If he had told her this the first time they met, she would have laughed and closed the door on him. But now...

“Then what’s going to happen?” she asked. She could feel her voice started to waver. “If you aren’t—”

He raised his head at her. “Then I’ll become like him,” he smiled wryly. “A cold creature that feeds on people’s life force.” He pulled the sleeve of his hoodie up to his forearm, “My body temperature is below normal. And it will get colder and colder until I’ll turn into a walking corpse. The colder I get, the louder the noises I hear. And he knew that would drive someone like me to madness.”

“Ben…”

He sighed. “I wasn’t the first.”

“What do you mean?” she swallowed.

“Before me,” he said. “There was my grandfather. Anakin.”

Rey put her hand on her mouth. He nodded.

“There’s only one Anakin that the world might recognize,” he continued. “Skywalker.”

“Anakin Skywalker,” she repeated. “That… he was the one who…”

“Massacred a whole village in Alderaan,” he balled his fist, his voice trembling like he was reduced into something small and terrified. “Murdered his wife. The love of his life. And then died, burning himself to death because it was just too excruciating. The cold. The noises. Everything.”

Rey felt tears started to prickle her eyes. “But why?” she sniffled. “How did that happen? It’s just… cruel.”

“You don’t make a deal with the devil,” he replied. “That’s the one rule he broke. And demons will haunt you and your descendants down, finding the weakest link.” He chuckled in resignation. “Apparently that’s me.”

There was silence after that.

“Your parents,” Rey started. “Did they—what happened to them?”

He shook his head. “They tried to save me,” he muttered. “But it never worked. They looked for help somewhere else, but to no avail. And no one is interested in helping the grandson of Anakin Skywalker, knowing what they _ might _ have to deal with. So, I left and found my own way. Changing my name, fixing myself—” He paused. “—and finding you.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, a tear rolled down her cheek. 

“Rey, don’t be,” he smiled. “I’m sorry that you’re dragged into this. You were supposed to live your best life, instead of… working for me.”

She shook her head. “There’s no best life for me,” she chuckled. She reminiscence how often she had been convinced that she was never amount to anything. “I’m not… that." How often she had to fight back, fight the urge to pay back others who had hurt her. "If it wasn’t for Finn, and the small group of people who have been kind to me, I don’t know if I can be a better person." To doubt herself. "I might've turned into my parents with their addiction and—”

“You won’t,” he cut her off. “You’re not them. You’re better than them.”

She raised her head to him. “Ben…”

“You’re not alone,” he said, his voice low and intimate. It was like he meant it.

And Rey—

“Neither are you,” she muttered.

Like an impulse that kept banging inside her, she offered her hand to him. Offered something more than that, something she couldn't think the word of. She had always wanted to touch him, she thought. And her mind went back to the first time they met. 

“When I first touched you, I felt something that I couldn’t describe,” she said. His gaze flickered to her hand and then back to her eyes. “I don’t know… I don’t know if this would help, but I want to know. I just… I want to know.”

He swallowed, and then slowly, his hand was raised to meet hers. 

It went so gentle, the way his fingertips touched hers. But she felt it in that instant; a flare of electricity that traveled between them and stung her skin like a livewire. 

Their eyes were locked together. There was an electric excitement sparked within, engulfing them. It felt real, whatever it was. The Force—fate, maybe, just like what he had told her. Or maybe something else, something new that she had never experienced before.

And she knew—for once she knew, that he felt it too.

They dropped their hands at the same time. Tears were streaming on both faces. And neither of them moved for a while.

“That was,” she wiped her tears away. “That was—”

“—incredible.”

She looked at him. “Yeah, it was.”

They were silent again.

“Rey,” he said softly. “I’m glad I found you.”

Her breathing suddenly caught, feeling her cheeks flush. She looked away from him, although she could still feel his heated stare. “Uh, thanks,” she replied, not knowing what else to say.

She heard him chuckle, but still didn’t dare to look. But then, he suddenly got to his feet and snapped his head to where the wall was. 

“Finn’s awake,” he muttered. He looked at her again. “I—I have to go.”

Rey wiped her face and just now realized that the sun had risen up. Kylo—Ben went to the window and quickly put on his slippers, which she also just realized were actually house slippers with ‘Niima Hotel’ emblazoned on them. She stifled a laugh as he tried to jam his hulking body back to the window frame.

“Ben,” she called him. He paused, his head and one of his shoulders were already outside.

“Yeah?”

She stood up and walked over to him. “I have one more question.”

“Shoot?”

She bit her lower lip, clasping her hands between her back. A trace of dry tears marking the crease of her eyes as she smiled.

“How did you get here?”


	9. We Should

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben, exploring their bond.

Things went back to normal after that. 

Well, as normal as it got.

After all, this was the first time Rey could remember everything in her dreams and they wanted to focus on that specifically. It had surprised her that, yes, she had actually seen Kylo before. Maybe just the shape of him. But it was solid and clear. She just couldn’t explain why she kept forgetting it and only now remembered everything. 

Kylo patiently listened to her, taking notes as she recalled what she could. And he would tell her what and how he had seen her. A crying sound was the first—maybe that was when she was born. And then there was a shape of her—but it was blurred. How the world muted when he could see her in his dreams.

So, they talked about a lot of things—about their dreams, about the things they learned, about how they felt. And in between, they still meditated, still sparred. Everything was as professional as it got, considering. They treated the issue like a case they had to solve.

But sometimes, their gaze lingered a bit too long at each other. Sometimes, one of them would say, _ Oh, maybe we can feel the Force again if we touch hands. _

And the other never questioned it.

Maybe because it was _ empirical. _ It was proven before. Rey could finally remember her dreams, her connection to Kylo Ren—Ben Solo. So, they might have started touching each other’s hands more often now.

It started with their fingertips—like that night in her bedroom. And then their palms would press against each other as they closed their eyes, a thrumming sensation traveled between the two of them. It felt good—too good, sometimes. She wondered if that was how it was supposed to be.

And then one night, they were on the rooftop, sitting on the red couch Rey had been fixing. It was just one of the late nights they had to pull because they couldn’t stop talking and the sun set and Finn went home from his summer job and they didn’t want him to know. The rooftop was the perfect place, and Rey was even considering if she should leave the couch there, under the canopy, so they could sit on it. The weather was sometimes too hot, like this time, but she found it better than having a work meeting in her flat when Finn was around.

It was a weird dance of hide-and-seek in their flat. And Rey had asked herself why she felt embarrassed if Finn would catch them, sitting and doing nothing—which was something they literally did when they meditated or after they read some heavy stuff. 

It was almost like an illicit affair—it wasn’t, but it felt that way. 

She wondered if the discussion about their fate being intertwined was the reason why she felt awkward about it. It wasn’t something she could tell Finn or anyone—and it wasn’t because she was worried she sounded loony for even suggesting that. It was because, yeah, this sounded really like something coming out of fiction. Unreal.

And it didn’t help that there were _ other _ things that had been bugging her. Other things, like how she wanted their work session to be focused—because Ben could literally hear everything, so crowded places like cafés or community centers were out of the table. He had said that he could concentrate even in a crowded place just fine, but he agreed that they needed a place where they could have some privacy. He never invited her to his hotel room, though. And Rey didn’t dare to suggest that. 

She suspected that was because that would appear inappropriate. But it might also be because the _ other _ other thing, like how she started plucking her eyebrows and wearing lipgloss, or even cared enough to wash her hair with scented shampoo and a good conditioner because she didn’t want to smell like sun and sweat anymore. 

Rey hated it when she was aware of the change of the behavior because that only made her seem like a besotted teenage girl—which wasn’t her intention at all. It really wasn’t. She later told herself that she wanted to look professional—it was a job, after all.

Just because her employer had barged into her bedroom in the middle of the night, it didn’t mean that she couldn’t present herself better. She didn’t have to look like she just rolled around the garbage all the time. _ It’s okay to look nice, _ she had told Maz when the older woman asked if she was going on a date after her shift (she wasn’t; it was just another meeting with Ben).

Ben, however, never commented on the change in her appearance. He had most likely noticed it, given how sometimes she caught him looking at her in a _ certain _ way. But it was very, very brief that it might as well have never happened. 

It didn’t matter that sometimes Maz noticed it, too, or her fellow servers would tease her for it. Ben would return back to being casually cool about her change in appearance and buried himself with whatever music he was listening to.

She hoped her friends didn’t think embarrassing things about her. She didn’t want things to be awkward. And she thought that was what he wanted as well.

In fact, after their late-night bonding in her bedroom, Ben didn’t look at her as much until it was necessary. It, _ of course, _ didn’t bother her. He was, after all, her boss who was also ten years her senior. An adult with a mission—a life-threatening mission, given his family history. Their fate might’ve been entwined, but work was still work.

So, no, Rey wasn’t bothered. She _ wasn’t. _

And if they had to occasionally touch hands, that was just part of the job. Nothing too deep.

“You’re warm,” she muttered.

She cheated again during meditation—she rarely did that lately, but sometimes she still peeked one eye out when she started seeing spots due to screwing her eyes shut too tightly. An act, if she cared to admit, that was done due to her being blindsided by a sneaky thought about her boss, afraid that their newfound bond would actually leak her thoughts to him.

Ben slowly opened his eyes. A smile, that had started to become so familiar to her, appeared on his face. “So are you,” he said.

They were sitting cross-legged on the couch. It was almost midnight and they had been sparring that evening. She had asked him to stay after walking her home (another thing she got used to—no one had ever walked her anywhere and she could handle herself just fine, but now she found she could get used to it). And they had touched hands that day—innocently, professionally, whatever-ly.

But she was telling the truth about how warm he had become. Ben was no longer as cold as ice, although she was never sure if he had been as cold as he and Finn claimed to be. She had always thought that there was always an underlying warmth in his skin. 

At first, it felt like a buzzing sensation, an electric connection that kissed her fingertips. But then, it became more and more apparent. Or maybe—

“You’re used to my heat,” he said.

But no. She knew that wasn’t true. 

“Maybe it works,” she gulped. “What we’ve done, maybe it’s finally doing the trick.”

He flicked his gaze down to where their hands intertwined. She felt his fingers move, gently caressing her wrists and she couldn’t help but shift a little. This would appear too intimate than professional—another thing that she would just shove into her ‘don’t think about it’ box. But she always liked his touch—his hands were large and soft; they didn’t feel like a blue-collared worker’s hands, unlike hers.

And lately, they were warm, almost reassuring. 

“I still hear them,” he said. “But not as much.”

Ben had told her a few nights ago, how being around her was always comforting. _ What do you mean? _ she had asked at that moment. _ Does it make the noises go away? _

_ No, _ he shook his head. _ I just think they’re more bearable. _

She had understood, then, what he’d meant about the progress they made. Even before the dreams came back to her, he had felt something had changed. _ It was never about the money, _ he had once said. _ If it is, then I can’t afford you. _

But this was the first time he said that the noises weren’t as much of a problem to him. And he was getting warmer. She wondered if it was because the connection between them had grown stronger. After all, they had bonded over bad dreams and… shared loneliness.

Ben Solo, she learned, had a lonely childhood—even before he was cursed. His parents were never around most of the time, and he had grown to accept that as just the way it was. They loved him, he knew, but they were busy. He was left alone to his own devices most of the time, and he was used to it. It was the silence, the solitude that he learned to live with.

But then the curse happened and everything changed. His parents tried to find a way to cure him. They were around more than ever, but that didn’t last long. Because apparently, their love for him didn’t change the fact that Ben could hear them all the time. He could hear their worry, their fear for him. 

And then one day, _ of _ him.

_ It’s strange, _ he told Rey, _ that they want to fix what is wrong with me while avoiding me altogether. But I get that. _

Rey didn’t. She didn’t just _ get _ that.

_ I’m sorry, _ she said. _ It’s not your fault. _

He smiled at her, _ don’t be. _

Maybe it was a tiny part in her—something that bonded her with Finn and other children when they were younger—that ignited some sort of emotions within her. Lonely children found their way together. And it was almost like that with Ben Solo.

Except it was more than that.

Sometimes, Rey pondered about how different things would be if he had never sought for her. Would they be fated but unmet? Would they just live their lives separately and not know about the connection they were supposed to have?

And if for him, their connection was a way to be free of the curse, for Rey… things were probably a bit different. As days went by, she became more and more curious about the possibilities of their relationship—well, ‘relationship’.

He had told her that her presence comforted him. She had never told him before that similar feeling also washed over her. It felt right. And she would like to know what their fated connection would be like.

“Ben,” she pulled her hands away from him. He looked at her, his hands moved like they were trying to grasp the phantom of her touch. “I have a theory.”

“Oh?”

She threw her feet to the floor and gripped the edge of the couch nervously. “It’s stupid, but I would like to test something.”

He put his legs down and leaned back on the couch. “Anything we can try now?”

Rey swallowed. “About that…”

He watched her as she fidgeted in her seat. And when she finally stood up and turned to stand between his legs, his eyes went wide. Rey felt her body tremble as she reached for his face. She didn’t know this would work—god, she didn’t know. But she wanted to know. She wanted to…

As her fingers landed on his face, he sucked in breath. She could only hear her own heartbeat—it was loud and she was scared. She was scared he would pull away or reject her. But when he closed his eyes, she knew he knew. 

Because if anything, it was a touch that first bonded them. It was a touch that first brought back her memories of her old dreams. It was a touch…

“May I?” she asked, almost too breathy. And she felt his breathing, too. So close. So warm. 

She saw him swallow thickly. He closed his eyes and nodded.

It was a little peck on the lips.

Chaste. Not so much professional. But it was there. A small touch, her lips on his. It happened so quickly—too quickly. Too cowardly. And Rey’s mind was racing with every millisecond of it. And she froze.

Their faces were still inches from each other. She could trace the beauty marks on his complexion, his thick eyebrows, his long nose, and his plush lips—the very lips she had just kissed. A small kiss that probably didn’t count. And she started to feel her cheeks blushing as his eyes fluttered open. 

A pair of pretty amber-colored eyes were staring back at her, and she felt her knees go weak. His expression was unreadable. His lips were still parted, but there were no words coming out of him. She waited and waited, trying to read him to no avail. Her stomach twisted into a knot until she couldn’t hold herself from breaking the silence.

“That was…” she cleared her throat while dropping her hand from his face. Her cheeks flushed and she wished the ground would open and swallow her whole. “I don’t think that worked—”

Rey froze again. 

But this time, it was because his hands suddenly flew and held her. She could feel them squeezing her hips briefly before they were dropped and it was immediate how she felt the loss from it.

“Sorry,” he balled his hands into fists, looking anywhere else but her face.

“It’s okay,” she shook her head, feigning nonchalance. She just realized that she had gripped his shoulder for purchase. She was about to withdraw her hand, but then—

“Maybe we should try again?”

Ben’s eyes widened at her words. That, she said that. And Rey felt shame coursed through her, a series of curse words being spat inside her mind and she was thankful he couldn’t hear her thoughts. She couldn’t believe she would blurt that out, and yet—

“Sure,” he replied. His voice was low, almost like it was stuck in his chest. Strained. Full of want.

She blinked. “What?”

He awkwardly shifted a little, giving more room for her between his legs. She couldn’t miss the tinge of pink in his ears.

“We could—” he cleared his throat. “The theory, I—I get it. And maybe we should—we should—”

There was a pause.

“We should,” she nodded.

She slowly touched his face again, hoping he didn’t notice her trembling. And then she felt his grip on her body again, and he tilted his head to the side. 

His eyes darted to her mouth as he breathed. “We should.”

And they kissed. This time, for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be honest with you: I don't know if this story will answer all of your questions or if the payoffs are really what you've expected, but I hope at least it's entertaining lol.  
Thank you for reading this far <3


	10. What If I’m Fine with It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben, post-kiss.

They didn’t talk about the kiss after the actual kiss. 

No. They framed it as an ‘experiment,’ and Rey wasn’t sure, between the two of them, which one was the dumber one. 

If she was sprawled on his lap, then it’d be just one of those 'occasions'. It usually started with an innocent discussion about the Force, and then they leaned closer and closer and the next thing was she straddled him, their lips attacking each other’s. 

He never addressed it outside their engagement, and neither did she.

They just went along with it, especially since, sometimes, it did work. Sometimes she felt a swirl of energy around them, sometimes she could hear what he heard—and that was mind-boggling.

She wondered if they kept that up, she could also have, like, superpower.

“Hm, what are you going to do with it?” he asked against her ear. She liked the feeling of him so close to her like that. 

“I’ll use it to travel the world, I think?” she replied, almost breathless as her arms circling his shoulders. “I’d like to be able to fly.”

He chuckled—and oh, she liked that, too. “I don’t think that’s how the Force works.”

“I think that’s how—oh—the Force works,” she closed her eyes as he peppered kisses on her jaw and neck. “I think—that’s what happens with you.”

“I can’t fly,” he replied. She carded his hair with her fingers, feeling his hands tracing her back as he closed his eyes contently.

“You can’t,” she breathed. “But you are strong. You can lift this couch with no effort. I know you were just humoring me when you ‘helped’ me.”

He pulled back, his lips tugging upward. “Oh?”

Rey also learned that she liked his lips very much. She liked how they looked—but particularly, she liked how they felt against her, how they felt when his teeth grazed on her skin and he sucked on her lower lip, her neck, her shoulders. She liked how they felt like what clouds would feel like—soft, warm. Sometimes, she wondered how they felt like if they were kissing someplace else in her body, somewhere untouched, as his long fingers also worked on her.

And once again, she was thankful he couldn’t hear her.

But they only kissed, and nothing else.

Sure, sometimes their hands wandered each other’s torso—but never anywhere under the shirt, like what teenagers would do. She had tried it before, getting caught in the moment, her small hands crept under his shirt. But suddenly he stopped, glazed-eyed and surprised.

Rey was aware of his hesitation to touch her more than ‘necessary’. It was just like the night after the bedroom incident where he tried not to stare at her as often. Sometimes, it was difficult to separate what he considered as work and… something else. She wondered if the act of him touching her, kissing her was something he genuinely saw as part of their job—dumb as it sounded.

And yet, there was also little moments that her sharp eyes would notice. His awkward, fumbling fingers when he touched her. His wary look, as though he asked for permission for every kiss. But then, by the end of the day, he would loosen up—kissing her, tasting her skin like it was nobody’s business, like she was _ his. _

Rey wondered if someone had touched him before. Or if no one had, just like her. He was a mystery in that instance. 

But bringing that up would also take a whole lot of other questions with it. Questions which they didn’t know if they were ready to answer.

“Ben,” she said as he nibbled on her neck. 

He hummed in response. Rey cupped his face and kissed him. He then pushed forward, until her toes curled on the fabric of the seat. 

They had moved the couch back to her flat. It was finally done. And since Finn had been busy working in Dr. Tekka’s clinic near Little Takodana, they had the flat mostly to themselves. Finn, of course, didn't know about the new 'development' of their business relationship. She didn't know how he would react—hell, Rey didn't know how _she_ would react. But one thing for sure, Finn wouldn't like it. So, she didn't think she'd tell him anytime soon.

Besides, what would she tell him about? It was nothing sort of serious, what she and Ben had—whatever that was. Although, in retrospect, she would consider Force-bonding as something serious. Like, paranormal serious. But seeing it as a mere human connection? A skin-to-skin contact that often made her heartbeat faster she was scared it would leap out of her mouth? That made her whole body feel like it was doused in gasoline and waiting for a fire to catch?

That... would be an entirely different thing.

There was a little tug in her chest as her mind wandered. And just like everything else with Ben, she had learned to box her complicated emotions someplace else. It wasn't healthy, she knew this. Growing up, she learned that part of healing required not running away from her feelings. She wasn't good at it, but at least she tried. She did it when she reconciled with the fact that her parents would never come back for her. And compared to that, her current issues shouldn't have been a problem.

This was just new. She just needed to see it differently.

She didn't know how far his bond with Ben would be. How deep it was. How meaningful. Or if he'd even given it a little thought as much as she had.

She wondered if he had.

The couch creaked a little when he maneuvered their bodies so she was on her back. He then continued assaulting her mouth with his tongue, almost like he was too hungry for it, and she welcomed him for a bit until she grabbed his hair and pulled.

“Yes?” he cleared his throat, his elbows resting between her head.

Rey stared at him, noticing how dark his eyes had become when he was like this. She bit down a smirk. “I... might have another theory.”

He arched his eyebrows. “I’m listening.”

“Um, so,” she licked her lips and noticed that his eyes flicked to them. “This... physical connection might need another boost.”

“Like what?” he muttered, eyes still on her lips. His throat bobbed.

Rey drank the sight of him, her hands busying themselves nervously on her shirt.

“I think," she gulped. "maybe we should have sex.”

Ben paused.

Rey had thought about it before, although she didn’t know how to bring that up. It sounded ridiculous—that you ought to fuck someone to break a curse. But the Force worked in a mysterious way, she argued. The more they touched, the stronger their connection became. It was like the first time they touched, or the night when she remembered him. 

And if it didn’t work, then they could work on another theory.

She had no other theory, though. "We can always—" she bit her lip. "do some more research. Brainstorming... that kind of thing."

She waited for his response, but he didn’t say anything. He went rigid with his mouth parted and his pupils blown wide. He then blinked, a pink blush blooming on his face and ears.

Rey bit her lip, “So? What do you think?”

Her heartbeat hammered against her chest, and she knew, even though he couldn’t hear her thoughts, he would know how nervous she was. 

But the silence stretched too long that she wished she hadn’t said anything. She almost started to laugh it away, telling him that she was just kidding. There was no way she could predict his reaction, but his being loss for words was definitely not what she would imagine.

But then, she could feel him—the hardening against his pants that nudged against her thighs. He gasped, and immediately pulled back, sitting straight on his side of the couch, hands thrown between his legs.

“Ben?” she sat up, shifting closer to him.

His jaw worked as he stared at the floor.

“Rey,” he swallowed. “I didn’t—that’s not—that’s not why we do this.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s true that I ask for you help, but never intended to subject you to anything like that.”

“Anything like _ what?” _ she hounded him.

He finally looked at her, his eyes pleading. “I’m not trying to sleep with you.”

“You don’t want to?” she repeated, feeling her voice shaking a little bit.

His face turned to panic. “No, that’s not—” he shook his head. “I—I do.”

“You do?”

“No.”

“You don’t?”

“I... do.”

Rey’s frown went even deeper. “Ben, what are you saying?”

He opened and closed his mouth, his hands still comically stayed between his legs as a futile attempt to hide his erection. Rey stared at him for a moment, until it hit her. The rejection felt stung harder than a slap to her face.

She wasn't good enough for him.

Rey then got to her feet and folded her arms in annoyance. He slowly lifted his gaze to follow her movement, the panic in his eyes grew more apparent as she exhaled sharply and stomped her feet to the kitchen.

“Rey,” he jumped out of the couch. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then explain,” she yanked the refrigerator's door open and took out an ice cube tray. She took a mug from the rack, filled it with tap water, and then slammed the tray to the counter. Her feeling of being rejected turned into frustration. Her cheeks were aflame, and a flood of mixed emotions surged through her. 

Ben moved around the couch to get to her. And then he stopped a few feet from her, his shoulders heaving. Rey flicked her gaze to his pants for a moment and then back to his face before taking a big swig of her iced water. She saw him shifting from foot to foot from her peripherals.

“That’s not why I... hired you,” she heard him mutter. “That’s all I’m saying.”

Rey almost choked on her drink. “Oh,” she quipped sarcastically. “So now we’re back to that? You, _ hiring _ me?”

“That’s what’s all this is about,” he said, still looking anywhere but her.

“Really,” she narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know if you remember, but we made out just five minutes ago. And oh, if I remember correctly, we’ve been doing that a lot lately. Or are we not supposed to talk about that either?”

She could a tight grip in her chest. This wasn't an easy discussion. It wasn't that she assumed he would want that—or want her. Why would he? But still, the rejection felt like a hot needle. She wondered why she was bothered so much. She should've been able to laugh at it, be a good friend who didn't take anything seriously.

However, from the look of Ben, she knew that it wasn't as simple as that either. And yet, he still wanted everything to go back to where it was. Him, hiring her. Like hell.

He shut his eyes, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Rey, that’s exactly why I cannot—” He sighed, agitated. “—I cannot put you in a situation like that. And maybe, we shouldn’t…”

“Are you saying it was a mistake?” she gripped the mug handle tightly. 

He looked at her. “No.”

“Rey,” he took a step forward. “It wasn’t a mistake. It’s just—you know, I respect you. And you know that it’s been… great. I know I should’ve perhaps not misled you with all of these… experiments—”

“We’re making out, Ben. Use the words,” she said.

“Yes,” his shoulders dropped. “We’ve been making out and I… don’t hate that—I mean, I like it. A lot. But sex is a whole different thing.” He approached her. “I am older than you, Rey. And I have power over you—at least, financially. I can’t pay you for doing… that. That’s not what I wanted our relationship to be.”

He was close to her now, his hand hovered near her face like he was holding back on something. He looked at her sadly, almost like he was devastated.

But she didn't know if he was. She couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear her.

She only wished the strong emotions she felt weren't only hers. That they were Ben's, too.

“But we’ve been doing so well,” she muttered. “The moment we touched hands, I felt something—I felt… safe. Stronger. And so did you. And then—you told me you got better. I just think that maybe we could—I don’t know.”

“Thank you,” he gave her a wry smile. “You’ve been a tremendous help for me. But the last thing I want is for you to feel violated by me.” He slid a stray hair to the back of her ear. “You are so young, Rey. I can’t risk anything with you.”

Rey leaned back on the kitchen counter. She understood what he meant, but it hurt all the same.

“What if,” she leaned closer. “What if I’m fine with it?”

He withdrew his hand from her. Rey straightened her back. “What if I’m fine with ‘risking’ it?” she asked. “And, don’t you want to know? Our connection is fueled not just by our emotions but also our physical touch. Have you ever thought of that possibility?”

She sounded selfish, she thought. Another excuse to be close to him. The job they had to do. Saving the world and whatnot. And maybe he could see it through her. A foolish girl who was...

...deeply in love with him.

Curses be damned. 

She wondered if he'd leave now. But he was still there with here, still staring at her with the same pain in his eyes.

“I have,” he muttered. "Numerous times."

“Then what’s the problem?” she whispered back. “If we’re both consenting adults, I don’t see it as a problem at all.”

His face turned soft. 

“I’m...," he spoke softly. "I'm scared.”

There was a silence that followed. Rey didn’t miss the defeat in his voice. They were staring at each other, feeling the radiating heat between them. She slowly put her hand on his chest and he exhaled as she felt his rushing heartbeat.

But suddenly, his head snapped to the door. Every tension she felt between them was snapped in an instant. And before she could ask what was wrong, the front door clicked open. She could hear Finn’s voice, sounding like he was talking to someone.

And when he was inside, his eyes immediately found Rey and Ben near the kitchen counter.

“Kylo? Huh, I didn’t know you’re still here?” Finn looked at his watch. Behind him, there were two women. He then moved away and invited them in. “Oh, yeah, Rey. Someone is looking for you.”

Rey noticed Ben’s jaw tightened as the guests entered the living room. One of them was a young woman, probably Finn’s age, with black hair and short figure. And the other one was an older woman with braided hair and formal clothing that reminded her of rich people on television.

The older woman turned her head to Rey’s direction, but her eyes were fixated on somewhere else.

On Ben.

And then she heard him.

“Mom?”


	11. I Won’t Let You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has to face his own mother. Rey learns something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should've been called Exposition lol.   
It's not my favorite, but let's see. ^^;
> 
> CW: past character deaths.

The last time Leia Organa saw his son was six years ago. And there had been very scarce phone call conversations with him until seven months ago where he suddenly disappeared without a trace. 

Rey figured this was the exact time when Ben found her in Jakku.

But that wasn’t the only surprising news she heard from the older woman. Rey also learned that if she hadn’t ‘caught up’ with an old friend, she wouldn’t have known where Ben was. Or, as she said, where ‘Kylo Ren’—who had never existed until six years ago—was.

And it was less than twenty-four hours ago, she had learned that her son had found his cure.

“I figured it was easier to contact you than him,” she smiled, her hand resting on Rey’s.

Leia had Ben’s eyes—or rather, he had his mother’s eyes. They were both brown, deep, and warm. She wasn’t a tall woman by any means, but the way she carried herself made her larger than anyone else in the room—or maybe life itself. Rey had imagined what Ben’s parents would be like, and now that she had seen her, things fell into place.

When Rey saw her side by side with Ben, she couldn’t help but find it endearing. 

Earlier, she saw him staring at his mother in silence, before his arms slowly reaching for her. Ben crushed his mother’s body into a big hug, his tall build hunching down to accommodate his much smaller mother. She could almost hear him sniffle into his mother’s hair.

Rey felt a little ache in her chest, along with relief she couldn’t explain. Like she shared that feeling with him. It was also the first time she saw him on the brink of losing it, like the dam he had built almost fell apart in front of his mother.

Now that she learned that Ben hadn’t seen Leia for a long time, she wondered if he had missed her so much. Something that she could partially relate, because it used to be like that with her parents as well.

But surely, Rey had learned that they were never looking for her. They would never suddenly appear on her doorstep and hug her. This was something she knew for sure.

Leia looked relieved when she was staring at her son. It was almost like her thoughts leaked out for Rey to hear. She caressed his cheeks, ran her hands on his hair, his shoulders, as though she wanted to make sure that he was healthy and alright.

And then the three of them were at Maz’s diner—and Rey might’ve been the only person who was surprised with their connection. Ben seemed to know that Maz would place him as her friend’s son when they first met, but he didn’t say anything to her—and neither did she, at least not in front of Rey. He didn’t seem to mind it, even occasionally having breakfast or lunch during her shift.

Rey always thought that Maz Kanata just liked him since she kept feeding him and teasing him about being Rey’s date. She never knew that she was also a friend of Ben’s father. Rather than feeling some sort of indignation that Ben and Maz had kept the secret from her, Rey found it somewhat amusing. 

Ben, on the other hand, didn’t expect that his mother would come to visit him—and Rey. They sat in the middle of the diner where there were no other patrons present. Rey was watching them sitting across each other—mother and son. He had been silent from the moment Leia appeared, only responding to Finn before leaving him with her bodyguard, Rose, in the flat.

_ You can deal with me later, _ Ben had told Finn. And it took a moment for Rey to catch on the implication of their exchange. Finn’s eyes darted to her neck and she realized that he saw the evidence of what she and Ben had done earlier. She gave Finn a pleading look to let it go—because if there was anything she knew, he had been a protective brother to her, as she was to him. She had never brought the topic of her relationship with Ben—Kylo, and there was a pang of tiny guilt that weighed her shoulders.

So, Rey looked away. But all she found was Leia Organa staring at her with a knowing smile, her eyes glanced at the necklace on Rey’s neck. 

Rey blushed.

Finally, she heard Ben finally speak, bringing her mind back to where they were. “Why are you here?” he asked. Gone was his surprise and sentimentality at seeing his estranged mother, replaced by a mild annoyance that somehow made him appear boyish.

Leia didn’t seem to budge. She looked like she had expected the question. “Isn’t that obvious?” she tilted her head to the side. “I miss my son.”

Ben swallowed. “If you wanted to find me, you could’ve come to me directly. Not to…” He trailed off as he took a glance at Rey. She gave him a reassurance smile, and the edge of his lips tugged upward. His eyes, however, remained somber.

Rey felt Leia’s eyes on them, watching their silent interaction. But then she spoke again.

“I didn’t want you to run again,” she said. “And I thought if I talk to Rey before I got to you, you would understand that I mean no harm.”

Ben’s head snapped to her. “I would never think of you that way.”

“You cut all means of communication,” Leia retorted. “And it wasn’t like we’ve talked a lot since… six years ago. And then suddenly, you were gone. What am I supposed to do? Not look for my son?”

He scoffed. “But harm? I’m—” he sighed. “I’m not a child anymore. I didn’t leave because I thought you would harm me.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” she said calmly. “But you can’t keep running away from your family, sweetheart.”

His eyes hardened, “I need to do this. You know I have to fix myself.”

Leia raised her eyebrows. “Ben, there’s nothing to fix. We’re sorry for driving you away years ago. Me, your father, even—”

“It’s fine,” he cut her off. “What happened in the past… that doesn’t affect me anymore. You can rest easy.”

His mother leaned back, scanning him. And Rey noticed that too, his hands started fidgeting. 

“If that’s true,” Leia said. “Then you’d forgive yourself, too.”

Ben tightened his jaw and stared at an empty spot on the table. Rey stared at him and then Leia. The air suddenly turned heavy. And all at once, the pleasantry that Leia showed earlier went away.

“Ben,” she continued. “You know you did nothing wrong. What happened to Han wasn’t your fault, and you cannot keep punishing yourself. I don’t think that’s what he would’ve wanted.” She paused. “And I know you knew that.”

He pushed his chair away from the table. His hands were clenched.

“That’s not something you and I can change. It happened, and he’s gone. That was on _me.”_

Rey felt it again. A wave of emotions reverberated from him, and went straight to her chest. “Ben,” she could hear herself say. Her hand reached to his, and he slowly turned to look at her.

They were staring at each other in silence. She felt his cold hand turned warmer, and she could feel that he started to calm down again. But then, he looked away.

“Rey,” he said. “I’m not a good person.”

“Don’t say that—”

“I killed my father.”

She blinked in surprise. He put his free hand over hers and removed it from him.

“I didn’t mean to—or I did, I don’t know,” he started. “That day when we first met? It was the anniversary of my father’s—” His fists clenched even tighter, “—death.” 

He shook his head. “It happened six years ago. I couldn’t—I couldn't control myself and made that happen. It was the first time I knew the truth about my grandfather, and suddenly everything felt too much. The noises—” He inhaled. “—were overwhelming, it felt like it never ended and it kept coming and coming, and I heard him. So I ran. I took my car and drove off. And I didn’t know that my dad was running after me. He was scared that I would hurt myself.”

He paused. Rey could feel tears prickle her eyes.

“Snoke showed himself in front of me,” he continued. “He said my anger would lead me to strength, just like what happened to Anakin. He said that it’s my destiny to turn into another Anakin. I would hurt a lot of people. So, I thought, I should disappear.”

“But Han never let that go,” Leia said. “He found him on a bridge.”

Rey’s eyes widened. In an instant, an image of a long bridge that seemed to never end was conjured inside her mind. The one like it was in her dreams...

Ben took a glance at her and nodded. “And because of me, he fell—”

“It wasn’t because of you,” Leia cut him off again. She reached both of his hands and held it tightly. “You know it wasn’t because of you.” She sighed. “Ben, you heard him. His last words, you heard him.”

He swallowed.

“Tell me again,” she said with conviction. “Tell me what was the last thing you heard in his mind. Tell me.”

Ben stared at his mother. And Rey could see a teardrop fall on his cheek. She covered her mouth, feeling his pain.

“He said,” his voice was shaky. “He said he was sorry and it was never my fault.”

Leia nodded, her eyes glassy, her hands grasping for his. “It was never your fault. I want you to believe that as well.”

He exhaled sharply, before pulling his hands away from his mother. He didn’t leave, however. He stayed on his seat and wiped his face in silence.

Rey could still feel the wet trace of her own tears on her cheeks. She was watching him breathing slowly as her mind went back to their first meeting—his urgency and sudden change of behavior.

_ Being around you is comforting, _ she remembered him saying. At first she thought it would be because her presence as his ‘cure’ would mean that she could at least dampen the noises around him. But now, she knew it was more than that.

He had wanted nothing more than for the curse to go away. He was thinking of atonement, that finding her might stop him from turning into the murderer he thought he was.

She stared at them, Ben and his mother. She heard Leia pleading, “Please come back home.” 

There was a pang in her chest when she saw him nodding. 

Her mind then was brought back to their discussion in the flat, about his reluctance to touch her more than he already had, even though it could probably help him. She wondered if he was reminded of his father in that sense.

But that also meant that he had seen her more than just a ‘cure’. A thought that could make her heart soar and ache at the same time.

“Ben,” Rey said. “I’ll help you.”

She could help, at least. That was the agreement. She could help before he left.

Rey felt another pang.

He sighed, dropping his hands to his lap. “You have helped me, Rey. I don’t think we can do more than what we’ve done.”

“But—” she worried her lower lip. “But there must be a way for you to be free. You said it yourself that my presence helped you. And I thought, maybe we can start from there before—”

_ —you left me. _

He smiled. “Rey, I’m not going to ask you to do anything more.”

“Are we done then?” she couldn’t help but ask. “Are you going…”

She held herself from asking, while simultaneously cursing inwardly at how petulant that might sound to him. Their agreement was about her being a cure and so far, even though he could still hear everything, he didn’t feel like a walking corpse anymore. But he had told her repeatedly how she made him feel so much better. And she felt like she was needed, which was ten times better.

“Rey,” he called her. He looked at her like he knew the mess inside her head. “Don’t worry about me.”

She swallowed. “You can still hear everything. I just…”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “But I’m feeling like almost a person now. Not a cold-blooded vampire. Maybe I’ll never lose the ability, but at least now I can feel like a real human.”

Rey forced herself to smile at his attempt of humor. 

She remembered the story about how Anakin Skywalker burned himself because he couldn’t deal with the pain. But now she also wondered if Ben were away from her, would the cold come back?

And there was also the nagging guilt in the back of her mind. Although she knew that it was because of her that he became warmer, she also knew that for her, things meant much more than that. She had felt the swirl of energy running through her veins, making her stronger and lighter—safer. Something she could attribute to her lesson understanding the Force. She wondered if she would lose that if he wasn’t around.

It was a selfish thought on her part. But maybe not the most selfish. Because if she was completely honest, she didn’t want him to leave her. Things had turned out differently between them. Sometimes she wondered if he thought the same way.

The bond between them was much more important than any cure. At least, that was what went through her mind. They were fated. _ Bonded. _ Didn’t that also mean that he would not discard her once everything was over?

“That makes sense,” Leia said. Ben and Rey turned to look at her. “The presence of an antithesis could probably reverse the curse.”

“Probably?” Rey repeated. Leia nodded.

“In my father’s case, it was complicated,” she said. “Particularly, his relationship with my mother and his antithesis.”

“What do you mean?” Rey asked.

Leia took a sip of her drink. “He loved my mother—she was probably the only thing he cared about. But even then, that didn’t help him. His battle was personal and it took root in him in a way that even my mother couldn’t do anything about. She wasn’t a Force user to begin with, but she was his soulmate, so to speak. And the thing about a curse like this is you had to be able to forge a strong connection to reverse it. My mother wasn’t his cure. Someone else was.” 

Her eyes gleamed as they flicked from Ben and Rey, “But that’s not the case with you two, it seems?”

“So, you were saying,” Rey muttered. “Ben and I are… both?”

Ben shut his eyes as Leia gave them a nod.

“I’d like to believe so,” she smiled. “But that also means that you have to be in each other’s proximity to forge that bond.” She gave a wry look to her son. “Maybe for the rest of your life.”

He shook his head. “And I’m against that.”

“Why?” Rey frowned, her voice shaky. Her stomach coiled, and the thought of being left behind like what her parents did came back to her. And now, if someone who was bonded to her wanted to leave her, too… what would that make her?

“Rey,” he turned to her. “I told you, you are your own person. I don’t want to keep you by my side like I’m using you. This curse, if I’m being honest, really has nothing to do with you in the first place. You were dragged into this because—”

“—you came to me,” she said, feeling anger rising up her chest. “Also, let’s stop using the word ‘using’ when you’re talking about us. If you think I shouldn’t get involved with this, you shouldn’t have appeared in front of me.” She saw him flinch, but she continued, “But you did. And now, I think, there’s no other way than to keep going.” 

“Rey, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” she crossed her arms.

“No, you don’t,” he said with conviction. “Asking you to stay with me for the rest of your life also means I’m tampering your life—forcing this shit onto you. You deserve your own life. But instead, it’s going to be just me. And we don’t even know what kind of connection that was expected from us. Didn’t you hear the story about my grandparents? My grandfather—” He worked his jaw. “He hurt everyone around him because of this. You still have the chance to live whatever you want, Rey. You could… meet other people, have the time of your life.”

Rey’s jaw hardened.

“I can still have the time of my life, Ben,” she scoffed. “Sometimes you’re a pain in the ass, but please don’t overestimate yourself. Being with you is hardly a torture.”

“Rey.”

“And what’s with meeting other people?” she waved her hand. “Are you saying that… I shouldn’t—we shouldn’t be together? Do you want this to be strictly ‘professional’ like you kept telling yourself all this time? You keep paying me and when the work hours are over, I can, I don’t know, fucking see someone else? Is that what you want?”

His brow furrowed. “No.”

“Well?” she shook her head. “Because if you do want that, then—”

“I don’t,” he said. “And that’s the thing. I don’t want to just ‘hire’ you and then have no life with you. But you have to understand, Rey, I don’t want to be a dead weight in your life because of some stupid curse.”

“This stupid curse has also cost the lives of many innocent people,” she retorted, her voice raised. He looked away, and Rey felt a tinge of guilt for saying that.

“I’m not—” she cleared her throat. “I’m not saying you’re going to be like your grandfather. I don’t think you would.” She paused. “I won’t let you.”

Ben took a deep breath. “I want you to really think about this,” he said, still not looking at her. He looked like he was about to add something, but holding himself. Instead, he got to his feet and excused himself to the restroom.

Rey scowled and folded her arms. But then she realized Leia had been staring at her. Rey shifted nervously, and then took a sip of her tea.

“He’s right, you know,” she heard Leia saying. Rey put down her cup. “Being a cure and soul-bond at the same time require a commitment. And his concern is valid.”

Rey knew she was right, but there was still a nagging feeling in the back of her head. “I just… want to help,” she muttered.

Leia clicked her tongue and then laughed, promptly surprising Rey.

“That needs more than just ‘help’, Rey,” she said. “You’ve known each other for how long now? A month and a half? And you want to stay by his side for an unforeseeable future?”

“I don’t see that as a problem,” Rey replied, sounding more defensive than intended.

Leia sighed, although she didn’t look offended at all. “That’s exactly the problem,” she chuckled. “My son is rough around the edges, but really soft at heart. He is used to keeping everything to himself and worrying about the people he cares about. The last thing he wants is to burden you.”

“But I thought,” Rey gulped, feeling her cheeks blush. “I thought… we care about each other.”

“Oh,” she raised her eyebrows. “That you absolutely do. But I think it’s also fair if you have more time to think about this. There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a supposedly meant-to-be relationship if the only thing it ends up doing is chain you down.” She took her teacup and put it close to her lips. “And it doesn’t matter if you’re soulmates.”

Rey frowned. “But I thought… soulmates are supposed to be, I don’t know, happy together?”

“Do you think so?” Leia asked. “Do you think all problems in the world would be over if everyone finds their soulmate? Do you think they wouldn’t drift apart or felt unfulfilled like it could solve every insecurity and pain one might have?”

Rey opened her mouth, but then closed it again. She didn’t know how to respond.

“My father’s cure, so to speak, was actually his best friend,” she continued. “And they did have a very strong bond. Basically, he got it all: a soulmate, a cure, a strong bond for life. But life isn’t that simple, is it? My father was blinded by a lot of things in his life that he went on and broke his friendship. And then he did that to my mother, too—broke her heart, abandoned their children, left her to die alone. After that, it seemed it was an open season for those demons to get into him.” She chuckled. “I know it sounds a lot.”

Rey shook her head, “It’s okay. I’ve heard some of it from Ben.”

“From _ Ben, _ huh?” Leia gave her a look again—Rey noticed she always smiled at her in a way like she knew more than she let on. But then she looked serious again. 

“My son has been tortured by this most of her life,” she said. “He felt like the sins that my father did were the projection of his future. He thought he would never be free of pain. And it didn’t help that his father and I were such whack parents. At some point during his childhood, Han and I fought a lot. We didn’t do it in front of him, but what can you hide from someone who can literally hear everyone’s thoughts? He could hear everything, including your fear and worries. And being parents also means that you worry about your child all the time.” She laughed. “We should’ve known better than making him feel like it was his fault.”

Rey forced a smile, but she could see the pain in Leia’s tone.

“I think,” Rey said. “He knows how hard you tried.”

If anything, she knew too well about parents who never gave a damn about their child.

Leia raised her eyebrows, a wide smile gracing her face. “But that’s the thing, isn’t it?” she said. “We tried, but we didn’t succeed.”

They fell in silence after that.

When Ben was back, Leia changed the topic into a lighter one. She asked about Rey’s study and later, her art projects and Finn. Once in awhile, Rey caught Ben staring at her. But they didn’t speak with each other. 

He then took his mother to the hotel after Rey declined his offer to be accompanied to go back to her flat. She said she wanted to talk to Maz for a while. He let her go.

Rey watched him as he and his mother took the cab. And for reasons she couldn’t understand, she felt like he was drifting away from her.

She didn’t want to think much about it, but she felt uneasy nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo... Deus Ex MAZina? Lol.  
Okay, I don't know if I should've warned you earlier that even though I had seemingly enough time to write and finish this fic, the reality wasn't much like that. I had to change and cut a lot of things because of rl stuff that I couldn't leave behind during the time I was writing this fic.  
This note is not meant to discourage you from continuing, but I'd like to warn you if things feel a bit like it's in a rush, etc.  
So, yeah. Two chapters left. <3


	12. Do You Trust Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben, asking questions and going deeper into the bond.

Rey kept tossing and turning in her bed, unable to sleep.

The discussion at Maz’s diner kept coming back to her. Now that she had some time to think about it, she started to understand what Ben meant by being her ‘dead weight,’ and how his mother seemed to back that up, too. 

If the discussion were focused solely on fairness, it would probably be true that whatever happened to Ben wasn’t fair, and in extent, his search for her and everything that came with it weren’t fair either.

It was like being dragged to hell—quite literally.

Her life would be fine without his sudden appearance—probably. She had been alone her whole life and it wasn’t that she had ever dreamed of someone who could breathe a new soul to her otherwise dull life. She could continue doing her things, finding another couch in another dumpster and fixing it. Day in, day out until she graduated and moved out of Jakku like she had always planned. It had always been fine being alone. She was used to it.

But instead, now she was tied to someone else. A cure to reverse a curse. A… soul-bond.

Maz had told her that afternoon that nothing was an accident. If they were fated to meet each other, then they would. She was just an instrument in the grand scheme of things. So, she had never been in the way of Rey’s relationship with Ben.

“Fate works in mysterious ways,” the older woman said. “What yours and Ben Solo’s have is not something anyone can tamper with. It’s all written in the stars, child.”

Rey didn’t know if fate was something tangible or even real, and she didn’t want to dwell on it. Because if she was really destined to be with him then whatever it was that she felt wouldn’t matter that much. Because then, she could do nothing and things would happen anyway. Feelings would happen regardless and there was no escape. There was no need of any participation in a deterministic world. Things would happen anyway.

But somehow, she couldn’t accept that. 

She had realized that her decision to stay by his side wasn’t just about this so-called role as a ‘cure’ anymore. She had spent her whole childhood trying to escape from the system, to earn her own freedom. And this thing with Ben was… it didn’t feel like she was chained down. Not even by fate or whatever power in the universe.

Rey wasn’t even the best person to commit to other people. Finn and Maz were exceptions because they had known her for years. But somehow, things were different with Ben.

He was probably the first person who made her feel like she didn’t need to hide anymore. 

She could see herself in him, how the feeling of being abandoned sometimes triumphed over everything else. And if this was something _ written _ in the stars, then the implication of it would be cruel. 

Because then, it was written that her parents would abandon her, it was written that the orphanage caught fire, it was written that Ben Solo was cursed, it was written that his father died to save him. There was no free will or accidents. Everything was predetermined. How unbelievably unfair.

And then there was another thing. If Ben thought he would be a dead weight in her life, she wondered if anything he felt for her was genuine, not because she was the only person he couldn’t hear.

What if that was the case? What if he thought he cared for her because he couldn’t hear her? What if his interest in her was because of that? Had he been with other people before and felt the same way?

What if someday he could hear her, and what if he would leave her then?

Rey spread her limbs on the bed. She was staring at the ceiling, reminiscing about the last time he had looked at her, before he left to take his mother back to the hotel. It was as if he was back to the moment they first met. Distant. Cold. And did he really think to come back home with Leia?

And if he did, what would she think about it then? Would she be upset?

She screwed her eyes shut, her jaw clenched. But then, there was a knock on the window.

Rey immediately sat up and saw Ben was on the emergency stairs again. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked, pushing the window frame open. 

He didn’t move, his hands hidden inside his coat pockets. His jaw worked like he was uncertain as he searched her face.

“I want to see you,” he muttered. “May I come in?”

Rey folded her arms. “There’s a front door. I thought we agreed to that.”

“I know,” he smirked, although he still looked as if testing her mood. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Because you’re scared Finn would do a number on you?” she narrowed her eyes. “In case you want to know, yes, he was mad and grilling me about it for hours. Thank you very much.”

Finn really didn’t let the whole hickey thing go. After she came back home, he was already waiting with a lot of questions. Rey had to listen to him going on and on about ‘power imbalance’ and how he was going to break her heart. She had to explain a lot of things and he ended up more confused. She might've felt bad about it if her mind hadn't already been preoccupied with other things.

Before he went to bed, he warned her about keeping a ‘hawk-eye on Kylo Ren’ and how he’d ‘kick his ass if that punk bitch dared to do anything’.

Ben scoffed and shook his head.

“I’m not afraid of him,” he said. “I just don’t want to wake him up.” 

"Well, if that's the case, you should see me in the morning," Rey folded her arms. 

He raised his eyebrows. "That just won't do."

"Why?"

He paused, eyes searching her face that she felt her cheeks burn. He couldn't hear her thoughts, but somehow it always felt like he could read her like an open book. It was almost like he figured out the tiny jump in her heart and the delight she felt when she saw him.

Suddenly, Ben took a step forward to the window. He put his hand on the frame as he leaned closer to her. She immediately feigned aloofness, and he reacted by smirking at her, now with a lot more ease although her feelings were once again blasted right in her face like a billboard in a busy downtown. 

“I can't wait until morning to see you," he spoke quietly—and every syllable felt like it was engineered to send shivers all over her skin. "And I don’t think I should hide my affection to you.”

Rey staggered back. “You can’t—” She looked away, “Fine. Get in.”

Like a puppy in front of a treat, he immediately jumped on the window frame. And once again, he was struggling to get his large build through the small window. Rey had to bite down a smile. At least now he wasn’t wearing hotel slippers.

Ben looked around her room. “You redecorated.”

“A little,” she mumbled as he stopped by her desk, flipping open her sketchbook. “It’s not for you. Just so you know.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t think of that,” he said, his mouth slowly turned into a smug grin. “But since you mentioned it, now I do.”

She rolled her eyes and marched toward him, telling him to just quit it. She raised her hand, trying to take her sketchbook from him, but he lifted it higher. Rey stood on her tiptoes to reach it, not realizing until a second too late that his free hand had clung to her back. She flustered as he pushed her body against his.

In another split second, he leaned down and kissed her.

Rey’s gasp was muffled by his mouth against her. And just like every kiss before that, she closed her eyes and reached for him—his shoulder, his hair, and he felt him touch her nape, heard the sound of the sketchbook bumping on the table.

They were like that for a while. The hard edge of the table started to bite on her side as her soft breasts under her sleeping t-shirt were pressed on his chest. She moaned as he deepened the kiss, feeling the heat of his tongue tasting her, and she felt her knees started to give out.

He pulled back for a moment, and then leaned forward again to give her a chaste kiss on her forehead. “I miss you,” he whispered.

Rey’s grip on his coat tightened. “We just had dinner together.”

“Well, I miss being with you alone,” he replied. “Without anyone else.”

“Why, because they’re too loud?” she rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed.

He buried his head on her neck. “One of the reasons,” he gave her a kiss there. “But I don’t care about it anymore,” he trailed more kisses up to her earlobe and she shivered. “I just want to be with you.”

Rey’s hand traveled to the lapel of his coat, grasping the fabric as he continued his ministrations, his hand stroking her back lovingly. 

“Take this off then,” she heard herself saying.

He froze. Rey took a deep breath and untangled herself from him. He didn’t pull his hands from her body, but didn’t try to hold on to her either, just resting there while he was staring at her with wide eyes and open mouth.

“Coward,” she said.

He shut his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, they looked like he was in pain. Rey pushed him, trying to wriggle away, but his grip tightened and she was drawn to him again. “Let me go,” she ordered, although it sounded more like a whine.

“No.”

“Ben!”

“No,” he pulled her into a hug, and her face was trapped against his chest. She could only muffle a protest for quite some time until she gave up, not moving at all. He then released her just so that she could breathe again. Her hair was disheveled, she was sure, but he looked more like a mess than she was.

“Are you trying to suffocate me to death?” she whispered loudly. 

“What, no,” he looked appalled. “I thought you’re going to run away.”

“This is _ my _ room—where the fuck am I going to run away?” she crossed her arms. He opened her mouth, as though he was about to debate her, but then kept it shut. 

Rey leaned against the table as he sat down on the chair. He rested his head on her stomach in silence, and she couldn’t help but run her fingers in his hair.

“It’s not like I can run away from you to begin with,” she chided. “We’re bonded.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It kinda is.”

“Stop blaming yourself for things you can’t control, Ben,” she spoke softly. She sighed as he nuzzled her stomach. “But just so you know, I don’t want to force you or anything.”

“Trust me, you don’t,” he shook his head, part of his head touching her covered under breasts. She felt a bit ticklish but held herself back from wiggling away. “I want it as much as you do. Probably more.”

She swallowed, still trying to muster aloofness as he pushed his nose against her stomach like he wanted to inhale her scent. She felt a warm touch of his lips on her covered skin, and her heart lurched.

“Then what’s the problem?” she asked. He didn’t answer.

“Let me guess, you don’t want to be a dead weight in my life?”

He raised his head to her. “Yes?”

“Do you know how dumb that sound?”

“I just don’t want to—” he sighed in resignation. “—break you, and make you feel like you’re obligated to be with me. I’m much older than you, Rey—”

“You’re not even that old. And once again, we’re _ bonded.” _

“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head. “I just don’t think it’s the right thing to do… to… go beyond what we’ve done.”

“Why, because I’m a virgin?” Rey huffed. “You don’t want to ‘ruin’ me or some shit? That is such a patriarchal bullsh—why are you looking at me like that?”

He blinked, and then looked away, his ears turning red. She tilted her head, “You didn’t know?”

“How would I know?” he mumbled. “I… try not to think about it.”

“I thought you can read Finn’s mind?”

His head snapped to her. “Is that something that you _ discuss _ with him?”

“No!” she shushed him. “I just thought you caught on it. I—” She paused, and then shrugged. “Right. It would be weird if Finn even thinks about it. He’s like my brother. We live together.”

She heard him grumble. “Yeah, good for him.”

“Besides,” she waved her hand, feeling more relaxed at his display of petulance. “It’s not like I can get any action here in Jakku. I used to think about losing it when I was sixteen, but then, eh, at what cost? I had midterms and stuff, you know? And boys in my school were, like, well. _ Boys. _ I bet they didn’t even know what they were doing and just boasting—”

He coughed, covering his mouth while giving her an incredulous stare. “Wow. You’re blunt.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m turning twenty soon,” she said. “Being a virgin is the least of my problems.” She pursed her lips, thinking. “Actually, it’s hardly anyone’s problem.” 

Ben was still staring at her with mouth open it was almost too endearing. She bit her cheek, gulping as she nudged at his knee. 

“And uh,” she cleared her throat. “I don’t mind if I… uh, lose it.”

He straightened his back. His throat bobbed. His voice was small when he started speaking again.

“Rey,” he breathed. “I—”

“I’d love to,” she whispered, positioning herself between his legs. “I really would,” she cupped his face. “To you.”

She kissed him. At first, he was shocked at the sudden movement, but then he kissed her back. Slowly. He was warming up to her, his hand snaking under her shirt and gripping her waist. His touch was hot and needy. When they pulled away for air, his eyes were glazed as he stared at her with wonder.

“I…” he squeezed at her hip. She almost felt like his hands were shaking, and her heart swelled. He swallowed, “Do you trust me?”

She nodded. “I do. Do you trust me?”

“I do,” he smiled sheepishly. “Always.”

She lifted her legs one by one and placed them in his lap. “Well,” she said. “Take me to bed, then.”

Ben pushed her closer and she started to feel him getting harder. She rolled her hips and he moaned loudly. In an instant, she covered his mouth with her hand. 

She snorted and whispered, “Shut up.”

He nodded, his eyes crinkled with a smile. He then got to his feet and took her to her bed. Slowly, he placed her on the mattress. He turned his back to her and took off his coat before neatly placing it on the back of the chair. The next was his shirt, which he also slowly peeled and neatly put on the chair. Rey bit her lip to hold back her laugh.

“You’re so proper,” she giggled. “Is it always like... this?”

Her voice died down when he turned around. Her eyes first fell on the kyber necklace on his neck; it glinted red—in contrast to his alabaster skin than spanned along his sculpted figure. He was muscular and wide—eight pack and all. There was no soft edge on his body. It was all… _ man. _

They had been sparring together lately, and although she had seen a glimpse of him—sometimes when he decided to just wear a tank top or a wife-beater, she never saw him this way before. 

Rey licked her lips, feeling arousal starting to build in her core. 

“What is that?” he asked, and her attention was forced back to his face. He had his hands on the belt, ready to unfasten, and Rey had to claw the comforter to keep her from moaning at the sight of his tented pants.

“I said, is it always like this? When you, uh…” she swallowed, trying to remember what her question was about. “...with others before?” 

Suddenly, as the words rolled out of her mouth, she felt an uncomfortable stab starting to form inside of her. She cursed inwardly about her decision to even bring that up. She didn’t want to imagine that. Ben with other women—older women who knew what they were doing and could satisfy him in the way she couldn’t.

But that question apparently prompted another blush on his face. His arms fell to the side.

“There… isn’t—” she thought he was saying.

“What?” she blinked. “Did you just say ‘there isn’t’?”

He nodded. “There isn’t… as in?” she fished.

“As in,” he gulped. “No others. I’ve never…”

Rey’s eyes widened. “Really? Why?” her voice was almost too loud. “But you’re... you’re hot.”

He looked even flustered. “T-thanks,” he said. “But yeah, I’ve never—I mean, I did try, but it never worked.”

“Why?” she frowned, now feeling offended on his behalf. But then it came to her. “Oh,” she said. “Is it because…” She moved her finger near her ear. “Did they say anything mean to you?”

“Mostly? No. It’s quite… the opposite,” he scratched the bridge of his nose. His face turned even darker like he couldn’t believe what they had said to him. “But I just—when you can hear a lot of things, you tend to not want to be near them. It’s a habit.”

Rey grinned. She extended her arm to him, “Come here.”

Ben awkwardly accepted her hand and she pulled him to her. She sat on her knees as she pushed his body to the bed. She took off her sleeping tee and unceremoniously threw it to the floor.

He stared at her—just _ stared _ at her.

His eyes roamed over her and she felt more naked than she actually was. It was flattering, but nerve-wracking at the same time. She felt a shiver under his gaze, her heartbeat picked up its pace. 

She carefully reached for his hands and put them on her waist. And it was like on cue, he started to trace her skin, slowly going up until he reached her breasts. He sucked in breath like he couldn’t believe it. 

He traced his fingers to her necklace, slowly grinding the crystal with his thumb—it gently dug into her skin that her thighs shook a little. His hands slowly moved lower, his thumbs rolling on her nipples like he was testing her. She shut her eyes for a moment as he leaned down and gave her an experimental lick. When she looked at him again, she saw him staring at her face. And he looked at her like she was magical. Rey touched his cheek and pressed her forehead to his.

“Ben,” she muttered. “Kiss me.”

He swallowed, and then he dragged her body flush to his, her legs spread across his lap. His mouth attacked her, like it wanted more and more, while his hands were all over her. Their bodies were slammed together, chest to chest. And the chain of his necklace felt so cold against her skin, but something else grew hotter.

Rey felt like her whole body heated up in an instant—and probably it shouldn’t be like that; he hadn’t really touched her. But everywhere in her body felt like it was on fire. If there was a doubt about the effect of their bond to his body temperature before, she was certain that this would be the only exhibit A needed.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” she heard him whisper. Rey nodded, although in honesty, she’d let him. _ Too much _ was what they were all about. It was overwhelming, heavy, like a pouring rain or a snowstorm. 

He maneuvered her body until she was on her back and he was on top of her. Their hands were entwined next to her head as he peppered kisses to her lips, her neck, her chest. And when she felt his mouth devour her breasts, Rey gasped so loud that he paused and looked up at her. The sudden absence of his wet mouth on her breasts made her aware of the cold air in the room.

“Are you okay?” he panted, her lips curved upward into a smirk. She bit her lip, eyeing him as he lowered his head again, this time trailing soft kisses on her chest. She heard his breathing as he continued his ministrations down to her stomach.

Soon, he kneeled down as he reached her sleeping pants and he looked at her once again, like he _ still _ needed permission. She nodded to him, teeth still trapped between her lips. And then, he pulled her pants off her legs, leaving only her underwear.

Gently, he dragged the fabric down, exposing her center to him. His shoulders heaved as he stared at her form. She watched him as he flicked his gaze back to her. His eyes glinted to her like he was so grateful for it. And then, he was back to kissing her again.

He kissed her stomach, her thighs—he even kissed her _ there. _

Rey felt like she wanted to cry.

No one had ever touched her this way before. No one had ever worshipped her this way before. 

She felt his fingers roll on her sex—in a way that was nothing near gentle or elegant. He was probably as nervous as she was, both of them being inexperienced and all. But his touch was different, so unlike her own—and with practice, he might be good at it. It took him a moment to find what he was looking for, but when he did, it felt amazing. His blunt finger circled her, and she got wetter and wetter, and it felt so good.

She screwed her eyes shut, her fingers grasped the pillow above her head as his mouth descended on her, licking her slowly, softly—and she felt her legs shaking. She made a muffled embarrassing sound against the back of her hand when he pushed a finger into her. She heard his breathing intake, and soon, she also felt how his finger was worrying inside of her. 

“You’re so small,” he muttered, his brow furrowed as he carefully pumped into her. “I don’t know if I could…” 

Rey touched his wrist. “It’s okay. Keep going.”

And so he did. He kept his finger in and out of her as his head buried between her legs. Rey thrashed to her pillow, trying to hold a scream—or tears, she didn’t know which one. Once in a while, he raised his head to check on her and she kept gesturing him to keep going. And soon, he managed to stuff two fingers inside of her, and his head was buried, no longer asking for permission. 

He devoured her, then. It felt almost like it would kill him if she asked him to stop. And she would never ask him to. She went higher and higher and—

When she came, she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Her body shook before it went boneless as she stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily. He asked her again if she was alright, and she could only respond to him by nodding and tapping his hand on her hip.

And then she heard the sound of belt being unbuckled. When she saw him, she couldn’t hide her surprise. It shouldn’t be surprising how big he was, but now she wondered if he could really fit her.

He seemed to be self-conscious about it as well, giving her an apologetic look. 

So she sat up and reached for him, slowly caressing him until he drew his breath. If he found her experience lacking, he certainly didn’t show it. He screwed his eyes shut as she felt him. He was almost velvety but hard—the duality that was so amusing to her that she couldn’t stop staring, couldn’t stop touching.

She heard him chuckle, then. His big hand dwarfed hers as he gently removed it from his length. She looked up to him, and he leaned down. He kissed her as his arm circled her back, putting her on the mattress again.

Ben rested his weight on his elbows as he wiped the remains of the tears off her face. She nuzzled at his touch, opening her legs to him wider. She placed her hands on her face, combing the strands of hair so it wouldn’t cover his handsome face.

“I’m ready,” she smiled.

His eyes were fixated on her as he lined himself up to her folds. And when he pushed inside, they both gasped. 

Their eyes were locked together, their mouths fell open, breathing heavily. It almost felt like there was a hum of energy between them, like a static that went through their bodies all at once. It felt good. Too good.

But her attention soon drifted back to her body—the stinging feeling almost felt like she was split open. Her nails dug into his arm for purchase as the way he stretched her almost felt too much. Suddenly he screwed his eyes shut, and she realized that he was in pain just like her. 

When he started to move, her hold onto him tightened. He buried his head on her shoulder and she could feel his breathing so loud and hot against her ear. 

She hooked her ankles on his back as he pushed and pulled—knocking the wind out of her. And after a while, things were more pleasurable than painful. She felt full, like something was once again building inside her. It kept building and building. And it didn’t take long until his movement became erratic.

She felt that she was close, so she dipped her hand between them. But suddenly, his hand snaked down, removing her won, to reach her clit and he started to work her. "Let me," his voice strained. She held onto him for dear life and bit down her moan to his shoulder. And when she came, he immediately pulled himself from her. He stroked himself a few times before his spend loaded on her stomach.

He fell down next to her, cramped up in her single bed. He used the bed sheet to wipe off his spend on her stomach while maintaining eye contact.

They were quiet for a moment. She was staring at the ceiling, while he was lying on his stomach. She turned to look at him, finding him already staring. 

“Good?” he asked. 

She smiled, “Perfect.”

He pushed a few strands of hair from her face, staring at her lovingly, like she was the best thing in the world. 

And she thought maybe that was how she looked at him, too.


	13. Come Back to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben, together.

“I hope I didn’t hurt you,” he whispered to the top of her head. They were lying on the bed, her head snuggly resting on his chest as he had his arm on her back. 

Rey looked up to him, giggling. “You didn’t.”

He withdrew his head for a bit so he could see her face. A warm smile crossed his face. “Okay.” 

He then closed his eyes and curved his large body to her, cuddling her even more. She felt his hand caressing the spine of her back. Rey buried herself deeper in his chest as her finger sneaked in between them, playing with his red necklace.

“Ben,” she said. He hummed in response. “Don’t worry about it.”

“About what?”

“Everything.”

He slowly opened his eyes. There it was again, a concerned look on his face. He let her go and then sat up, leaning his head against the wall. Rey followed suit as the cold started to hit her body now. She sat up and leaned her back against the headboard, studying him.

“Rey,” he started, his finger absentmindedly drawing circles on the wall. “Our bond has a weight. It’s not just about this… physical connection. There was something else. It could take years.”

“I know.”

He paused, looking at her again. “I don’t want you to regret this, Rey.”

“I won’t,” she shook her head. He worked his jaw, still looking unsure. 

“Ben,” she shifted closer and took his hand. “I’m not going to regret it. I know it. I feel it, you know, from the first moment we touched hands. And every time when we’re close, I feel it. And I don’t think we can go back to whatever we were before. If you don’t feel the same way, then—”

“I do,” he squeezed her hand. “I feel it, too.”

He stared at her like there was frustration that kept bothering him. “But then why?” Rey asked. “Why don’t you...”

_ ...want me? _

He had said it before, she remembered. When he was Kylo Ren to her. He said what they had was inevitable. That they were fated. And if they really were—no, Rey was certain they really were, but he still chose to leave like everyone else in her life— 

“It was because I didn’t know.”

Rey blinked at his words. “Didn’t know what?”

“This,” he gestured between them. “I didn’t think it was possible for me to fall for you. And I didn’t know if you would…”

His eyes fell on to their entwined fingers. His thumb was gently caressing her knuckle. She gripped him tighter.

“Reciprocate?”

He nodded. “Why?” she asked. 

“Because—” he swallowed, slowly placing her hand to cup his ear. “I can’t hear you.”

Rey blinked. It hit her then, that his insecurity was as bad as hers. She had been worried that his feelings were the result of circumstance, not a genuine affection. She was scared if he could hear her, then he wouldn’t think of her as anything special anymore. She had thought about it—a lot. And it never came across to her that he would be worrying about the same thing.

The deadweight. The curse. Fuck that.

He closed his eyes, nuzzling to the warmth of her palm. “I want it when it's time for us to be together, it'd be because we both want it. No regret, no resentment. I really want to make this work, but I can’t do that if I never give you the option to live your life without thinking about… our bond and what comes with it.” 

He opened his eyes and gave her a pleading look, “I hope you understand where I came from. You deserve the world, Rey. And I don’t want to get in the way.”

“Ben,” she moved closer. “You’re not your grandfather.”

He tried to look away, but Rey’s free hand ran through his hair, “You’re not going to chain me down. You’re not going to make the same mistake as he did.”

She took a deep breath. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

Their eyes were locked together. Slowly, he leaned towards her. His soft lips descended upon hers, long eyelashes brushed her cheeks. She was immediately immersed with the warmth of him—the gentle way he cradled her face, and how familiar and comforting his touch was.

Rey realized that she couldn’t let him go. She wouldn’t.

And then, it was as though a tiny part of his emotions leaked into her. The heartbeat that didn’t feel like her own and the reassurance that didn’t come from her. He was trying, she thought. He struggled to believe in her words not because he thought she’d lie to him.

But because he would like to believe what she believed.

She felt warm tears start to prickle behind her closed eyes. She knew he’d feel it, too. And maybe more. Because the depth of their bond—their feelings had always been larger than life.

She loved him.

She couldn’t explain it. But she did. 

Suddenly, Ben pulled away from her, his eyes wide open as he stared right through hers, searching. Finding. 

And then—

“Thank you,” he whispered. “For saving my life.”

Rey sniffled, tears rolling down her cheek. She wished he could hear her. She wished the curse would be they could hear each other’s thoughts instead. She wished she really could save him the way he made her feel so much less alone.

But she wondered if he would arrive to it to the point where he could be at peace with himself. That he wasn’t a monster or a murderer. That he knew he was loved and that he, too, deserved the world.

He wiped her tears gently.

“Don’t leave,” she heard herself saying. “If you care about me, don’t leave.”

“Rey…”

“But if you have to go,” she put her hands to his face. “Come back to me.”

Ben averted his gaze down, exhaling sharply. He stayed silent for a moment. And then he nodded. Rey felt like her heart almost dropped to her stomach.

“Ben,” she said. “Look at me.”

He did, and then it was her turn to lean onto him. She gave him a featherlight kiss on his cheek. “Say it,” she whispered against his ear. “Say that you’ll come back to me.”

She kissed him again, aiming his nose, and then the other cheek. And then she rested her forehead on his shoulder. “I want to hear it.”

“I will,” he said. He gently pushed her shoulders so he could stare at her. “Always.”

She kissed him, this time, on the mouth. She felt herself smiling against his lips as he let her push him back to the bed. She settled on his thighs, feeling him harden again. 

“Good,” she said. “Because if you plan on really leaving me, I’m going to find you and drag you with me. And I _ will _ find you, you know. With the Force or not.”

He chuckled. “Will you?”

“I am,” she crossed her arms, biting her own smile. “No demons can even think of touching you.”

Ben ran his hands on her thighs, and she felt shiver crawled down her spine. 

“Rey,” he said. Before she could reply, he pulled her flush against her chest. She let out a little squawk as her hands were trapped between them. She felt his heartbeat, and she felt him against her stomach, too. She couldn’t help giggling.

But his expression was unreadable that the smile faltered from her face. They were staring at each other in silence. And then, it was Ben who said it.

“I love you.”

Rey’s eyes widened.

“I—” she cleared her throat. “I know.”

Slowly, a grin formed on his lips. “You do?” he playfully narrowed his eyes. “Ah, you do.”

She lightly slapped his chest. “Shut up.”

He laughed. “Too bad. I won’t.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Yeah, should’ve known that.”

“Why, did you regret it already?” he teased, his eyes crinkled in pure joy. And then he pursed his lips, acting petulant. “I thought you were going to keep me?”

She hummed and then tilted her head, pretending to think.

“Let’s see,” she slowly ran his finger on his chest. “I’ve used up all the trial period, so now, unless I could pawn you, we’re going to be stuck with each other.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Oh?” his face inched up closer to her. “That sounds like a good plan.”

They kissed then. Their bodies were once again locked into one. A swirl of energy surrounded them like the whole world was open. Like they knew their future were brighter.

Rey knew their journey wasn’t over yet, but they were getting there.

It didn’t matter how long it would take. And with Ben by his side, the waiting wouldn’t feel as long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
I know there might be still loose ends and I might want to revisit later if/when I have the time, but I hope this ties up the story pretty nicely. 💕
> 
> Happy Reyloween 🎃🍬
> 
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/rakefired/).  
[My tumblr](https://rakefired.tumblr.com/).


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